Courageous Breath

In life's tranqil ocean
Serene with inner bliss
Balance and steady
Mind is at utmost peace

With time-change comes
Just like wildest wave
In the storm like these
Calm is the new brave

Steading this unhinged boat 
Like a courageous sailor
Deep-slow -meditative
Our  "Breath" is our Anchor

praj101

Little fishy in the sea

Primer, foundation, mascara
Little blush on my cheeks
Bronzer , eye-liner
Rose pink on my lips

I get ready like a star
Bright, beautiful, shiny
Tip-toe in my pomp heels
Gorgeously smiling

Feel confident in my attire
And therefore confident in myself
My self respect depends on how
Others approve of my face

My dreams that I chase
My friends and family admire
I am happy for the day
That I am a “beautiful “ provider

At night I come home
Wash my face with fresh water
My shiny colors dissolve
And go in drainwater

A  baby fishy in the sea
Drenched in my colors-now die
My delicate self esteem
Has made his mommy cry

Praj101

Time in Physics vs. Experiential Time

In Physics time is linear .We as humans have divided time into e.g 24 hrs a day, different seasonal time which go in cycles etc. Well, for person like me such “scheduled time” has given a continuous rhythm in my day to day life and I appreciate that.

However, in this post, I am trying to explain time with a new dimension...time measured with our senses. I think we can call it “experiential time”- something that we derive from our senses and our own  experiences and interpretations of those experiences in our brain...cognitively.

What is this experiential time?
I may not have a solid definition per say. But let me elaborate. It is that dimension of time that comes in a way we experience world around us.

Here are some examples with some peculiar characteristics of this dimension .

1. This time can contract and expand -
 e.g. when we are reading a book, talking with our friends, gardening or doing any activity where we loose track of time- Sometimes we say - “time just flies” or “we have lost track of time”. In those situations time has contracted. Now if I am attending calculus lecture, trying my best to do meditation - or just sit and watch the clock for 1 minute- how do I experience time? For me it has expanded. I even remember watching clock and saying OMG 1 minute is so long. You can try it too. Again our experiences makes us feel time more in a wave form where it contracts and expand though without any cyclic or linear nature.

2. Time can go in “reverse” with experiences-
Sometimes we daydream about our childhood, about old friends etc . In this case time that we are spending goes back-back in time. Our sensory input has put time in reverse mode.

3. We can experience time in non-conforming  fashion .
Most of us experience time where we are kids and we are playing, studying etc. As we grow older we start job and family and later in life we enjoy retirement. However , some may experience life in a very different order. Someone from let’s say very poor family had to work as a kid but eventually maybe at  age 60 they went to college and got their degree . The way someone can experience time can be dramatically different.

4. This experiential time can be Transforming.
Imagine a girl very shy and quiet especially with introvert qualities who later became public speaker. Or someone started with a silver spoon as a child with love and support from family who ended up in problematic behavior as an adult.

5. Experiential time can be the best teacher.
We learn from our experiences and grow.. well most humans do. Experiencial time gives a lot of sensory input to work on evolving us with its positive feedback mechanism. Everyone grows - in spite of education that we had. Most job recruiters value experience of work. With same analogy- our temperament become mature as we grow. That’s why in our culture older adults are given respect as teachers of life as they have earned it with their lifelong handling of difficult situations.

I personally feel - measuring this time in life - thinking about how we have experienced life - is way more meaningful and informative than any clock with 12 numbers and two hands can be. This time differs from person to person and is very unique and therefore maybe cannot be explained in any physics textbook. Well if someone can calculate some kind of equation for such time- you would be genius and would do great service to humanity. Any physicist here? Or maybe it is not possible to explain such cognitive phenomena with any physics term.

However, ask importance to people who have difficulty experiencing this dimension of time. Someone with sensory processing disorders, Alzheimer’s or for that matter someone that binge watch TV  relentlessly while shuffling through different channels- all lack experiences that make life so lively and meaningful - of course in my opinion.

Experiencing life as it unfolds can have immense impact on our souls. Instead of doing things as per what others expect and wants from us won’t it be rewarding if we live life and design it depending on how we want to experience it.
One may say - in that case everyone just wants to be on “vacation” all the time. I don’t think that’s true. Will you go on vacation all the time? We all have inner intuition to know what we like and where we find our own joy. We just vibrate with better inner rhythm when we find it.

Now, a step future , think about our subconscious mind. In this phase - that we experience in our REM sleep- we may be traveling lifetimes with an immense speed. No clock can measure that.

Praj101

Rahu in Mrigasara

The inner deer is searching
For Something- for someone
Never satisfied
Keeps searching for some more

Previous life “Karma”
Will bring up old thirst
To bring future opportunities
Let’s sow the seeds first

To avoid the wandering pitfall
Cautiously carve out own path
The presumptious audacities
Needs a full-stop

Silence and calm needed
To look within
Stay away from consumption
Of any animal beings

Then ‘Mrigasara‘ will bring
It’s healing powers
If we  stay honest
True to ourselves

Otherwise relentlessly roam
In the forest - aimless
Just like a deer
That’s  what “Rahu” says

Praj101

Lucid Dreaming

Here is the recent dream I had. Silly really. ‘I wanted to find a restroom- but the toilet is missing and so I rushed in the bus which do not stop on the stop..and then I was trying to climb steps with no end on sight’ - and suddenly I woke up from my terrible frustating dream to find out I had to pee-- in real this time. not a bad dream hmm .... my subconscious trying to nudge me to take an action.Which I must.
In my above dream though I was not in control- I was not directing my dream and everything was a free fall.

Now have you heard about Lucid dream? In such dreams you are aware that you are dreaming and still you want to be part of it, directing the dream, its characters, its content- to get the outcome that in a way you want. I remember few times in my life that this has happened where I am dreaming and just like watching movie-I want to know what happens next.
Are these dreams helpful? -I think yes.There is a lot of research going on in this field. I believe this Lucid dream state is our subconscious trying to guide us , solve our current problems may be with some creative solutions. well, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or sleep Dr. to give any official advice here nor do I have capacity and training to analyze anyone's dreams. However I am all for this fun and interesting experiment.

 I want to analyze my own dreams if I can. The problem is- I don't remember any of my dreams. Well, I will take that back. I had occasional dreams that I vivdly remember e.g. one about missing chemistry exam and another one is me trying to reach to some essential destination but can't due to varied impossible reasons. I have woke up couple of times hearing someone is calling me and this started after having kids- so that may be side effect of having kids. However, I am never incharge of my dreaming. I don't even remember if dreams are black and white or colored and if I talk in English, Marathi or any other language. Lot of my dreams are not about current events or people in my life but mostly about childhood and I remember seeing my childhood home occasionally.
Anyways, I am very happy that I tend to get good night sleep and do not have nightmares. At the same time, may be there is lot of subconscious meaning, help etc that I am missing that can help me to guide me in this journey.

So here is what my plan is. I am planning to rememeber my dreams. Atleast thats my intension.
the steps that I am willing to take are:
1. Set an intension before sleeping - Me and kids do meditation called body scan almost every day. It helps me sleep quickly. Before sleeping - I may want to call my spirit guide/ my God and say something like: guide me to be part of my dream and to find my subconscious. So far I am going to keep it simple.
2. Keep a dream journal- This I came across in some of the psychology books in the past. I may document or record parts of the dream right after I wake up. Occasionally , I had woke up in the middle of the night knowing about what I am dreaming to fall back in sleep agaiin and having no clue next day about what I dreamt. So recording my memories on phone sounds like a good solution. ( as long as I dont wake up my husband ).
3. Practice atleast 10 min Vipasana meditation. It teaches us to look at things objectively- from a distance. I love it as it has calmed my anxious nature and has taught me to keep a distance from my emotions when warrented.
4. Maybe tapping my nose, or pinching myself gently- This may allow me to recognise at night that I am at dream state. If I do this few times in and reminding myself this is real time- then at night hopefully my frontal lobe will give me some cue. Something for me to differentiate. Remember Leonardo Decaprio's movie "Inception" and the top that kept spinning at the end... ending of the movie drove me at curiosity edge.
5. Another thing in my toolbox is essential oils such as lavender, ying yang oil or any other nice soothing one.


My current aim is very simple- to remember dreams. What do I see in them? people? Animals? what I wear? what is location? Do I know someone in my dream? What color is dream and what language if any I speak? If I can remeber any part of it - I would say awesome.


If the whole experiment makes me loose my sleep though I am going to back off. There can be various reasons for that- maybe my inner conflicts, maybe something that I don't want to analyse comes up- etc. then I may need a speacialist to help me. Its always good to analyse this and past lives(?) conflicts/ problems in this life time to get better brighter self- or so I believe- but with proper guidance for sure.
However, if my dreams are awesome with rainbows and fairies, or good moments with my old friends or if it shows me something that I am searching for then hey why not... I am all up for that.
Praj 101

Seven Chakras

Seven Chakras

Grounded in first to let inner tree grow
Second brings joy where creativity flows

Third is wise warrior present within you
With fourth - love and compassion grows

Fifth speaks the truth- wise and kind
Sixths thinks beyond this materialistic grind

Seventh is that universal “ oneness” connection
Each Chakra is essential with its own unique reflection

- praj101

My intersting Hypnosis experience

Here is how this hypnosis curiosity started. But before that here is why I did explore hypnosis in the first place.

1. I am a Physical Therapist with pain management as a niche. Myofascial release accompanied by hypnosis may give good outcomes - if I decide to do hypnotherapy certification in the future.

2. I am a lifetime learner and things that look relevant I explore. I am always interested in occult science. Therefore, when I came across articles and books by psychiatrist about hypnosis and its ability in helping patients with pain - I decided to dig further.

3. Given that I am stuck in home with this covid 19 situation - I have lot of time.

This unexpected journey made me read books related to hypnosis. Once I convinced that something is in it-I wanted to try.

Youtube was a great resourse and I did few hypnotic sessions online for deep relaxation at night. Frankly, I was awake first few times and very conscious with all this process. So I don't think it worked on me. The whole point of hypnosis is to quiet down and reach into our subconsious level. Anyways, I don't think I was able to relax completely for first few sessions- being my frontal lobe was trying to grasp everything.

Somehow, in some of these sessions -this hypnotic guide said something about "spirit guide". Some entity in higher relam that guides us and helps us to find our life's purpose- make us understand why we are born and what we need to accomplish/learn in this lifetime. Though I was skeptical- yet I was curious. So I decided to give it a go.

So this morning I decided to try this hypnosis that will bring me closer to my "spirit guide". I am big into two things -one is " Buddha and his psychology and another is Ganapti Bappa". I am not big into "Puja-archa " and other typical Indian rituals. So my analytical mind said most likely my spirit guide/spirit master would be one of these two. If not these, it may be my grandpa who was very sweet. If it would be an animal, I was bating on deer or bunny. As you can see my agenda was clear.

In the past , when I tried hypnosis , once this spirit master part came in play- I had feeling that my spirit master would be "goddess”as something similar image came in my mind -but I was skeptical. I never did anything particular as fasting etc. for any Goddess. But who knows.

This morning- I decided to keep my mind open for whatever comes in front of me and decided to try my best to not be analytical as that is a big no-no for getting into hypnotic state.

Ok - so I decided to try this hypnosis- "Hypnosis for meeting your spirit guide and remembering your life purpose"- by bluesky hypnosis. I was completely awake in the process ( with eyes shut) though tried my best not to analyse everthing whatever that was coming in my mind.

After basic hypnotic directions about being relaxed and couting from 10 to 1 with reaching deeper relaxation- the guide took me to this forest path and then told me  that there is someone sitting near a bon fire and that is my spirit guide. Surprisingly, a very old woman came in my mind. She looked so old almost 100+ with tree branch in her hand. A bright old woman . I don't remember her face honestly. I felt relaxed and she felt kind. Honestly, I tried to bring picture of Goddess, Buddh and lord Ganesha in my mind but she kept coming back and finally I let go.

I wanted to see her face clearly so I beliefe I let go of his instructions and tried to focus on her facial features( frontal lob activation) seeing if she resembles someone that I know but nothing came in my mind. The guide told me to ask her what's my life's purpose. I don't think she said anything. Then I think I started making things up. Maybe she is old lady and since I have worked with lot of old patient's and I truly have enjoyed doing that then maybe thats my purpose. To give physical therapy to old people. It didnt feel to the point but I was not getting any clear thoughts. By this time Hypnotic guide was asking what comes in your mind that has given joy to you and what has not. Unfortunately I was not able to relax and my frontal lobe was activated again. I was thinking too many things. I was thinking too much - extrapolating and I think my spirit guide faded. Finally hypnotic coach said , ask your spirit guide to give you a some gift. I thought this is very interesting. I brought this old sweet woman back in my focus. I became humble and not so judgemental/analytic towards all this experience. Honestly, I thought she will give me book as I am so much into reading. But somehow first thing came in my subconscious was "gold"... Big surprise.. I am not into Jwellery at all and want to be minimalist.. so still trying to be humble I thanked and said what I should do with this and suddenly gold necklace came in my mind. WOW... that was something. I definetely don't have much gold and frankly I don't enjoy wearing it much. Besides even if its good strategy to tell my husband to buy gold necklace for me -its not going to fly much. Besides I don't think I will buy gold necklace for myself. Believe me I can spend lot of money and have spended that on "solar panels" , "rotimatic" but gold.. I don't think so. This was super surprising. One more thing happen though. I was thinking that there is some kind of Goddess looking at us from above. Open hair, big kunku on her forehead, beautiful big eyes...almost like Goddess Durga. Anyways this was the most surprisng and intriguing experience of all times. Later this hypnotic guide ended hypnosis.

Later I did some self reflection .
During my self reflection- one thing definetely came in my mind. I am immensely grateful for having great parents who were able to provide me with love, food, shelter and education . My mom being my closest buddy I am ever grateful for all her sacrifies. I also  feel fortunate to marry my husband who has loved me and was able to provide all our family needs. My education has helped me to earn my livelyhood that has a noble cause . So all of this feels like having a blessing of a goddess herself equal or even more precious than any gold. And I am immensely grateful for that.

However, I was still not able to connect the purpose of my life to Goddess or that old yet very bright lady. And suddenly , somehow may be subconsciously one thing came vivdly in front of my mind. I am a feminist. When I see any injustice against a woman -I feel angry. I do not enjoy gossiping about other women and especially hate pulling other woman down. I want to support and bring woman kind together and upward. Honestly, I have had few experiences where I did gossip about someone but it has always and I mean always has left a bad taste in my mouth. Whenever , someone has stated I am weak, I cannot achieve something just because I am woman, when someone has tried to define me in gender specific roles , when someone has tried to downplay me or has treated me as a throw rug- it has hurted me immensely and I have always kept a safe distance from such person or has expressed my opinions. Someone may say- why are you not comfortable with who you are as a woman and you don't have to prove anything to anyone. That's what a psychologist would say. Buddha is all about compassion. However, all my peace goes out when anyone degrades woman. I can't help it.

Well, I am not sure if that "spirit guide" has yet showed me my life's purpose, but I know one thing for sure- I have Goddess backing on this woman equality thing- or atleast I would assume so unless proven otherwise.  I am going to do few more self hypnotic exeperiences and may learn hypnotherapy in future. Going to experienced certified hypnotherapist for finding my own subconscious is worth as well. However, todays experience was immensely interesting, unexpected and eye opening for sure. Jai Mata Di!

Praj101