One at a time....

I thought finding audible App( where I can listen to books online)  might have been the best thing that has happened to me. I always loved books. It was hard for me to put a good book down once I started. They can be addictive you know. As I got older, I was busy with other things in life. An occasional read is all I did.  I missed reading dearly. But that's life. However, recently when I found audible - I was ecstatic. I found a treasure and a way to savor it- everyday- all day long.  In the beginning, I started listening to books on my drive back and forth from work. And now, since last few days, I am listening to books while cooking, cleaning, folding laundry and just about while doing anything. Simple calculation : I love books + I don't enjoy half of my daily chores = I listen to books while doing chores.  Audible, makes me winner... isn't it? Answer should be " yes", but is it?  I mean, App is pretty good. But somehow, this lifestyle is leaving me feeling guilty.  I feel superficial. Personally, since last few days I have eaten junk food beyond my daily fill, I have ignored exercise and I have gained weight. I also know that when my kids are talking to me - there voices, which are so important to me, have become a background noise. I was playing "Uno" with them the other day while listening to a mystery novel. I felt that I was trying to focus on two things but unable to give my complete attention to even one. Everything feels  half done. Not a good feeling.  There is always an urge to sit and listen and listen to some more. A feeling that keeps me empty- never satisfied- just like an addiction. When I used to read books- I used to read books. There was less productivity but no guilt. You can read only so much while ignoring all other daily activities. Thinking back- It feels like Deja Vu. There was a time when I was watching IPad while loading dishwasher and folding laundry. Generally it takes fifteen minutes for me to load dishwasher, but with my eyes glued to screen-it was thirty minutes... sometimes even more. Luckily, I broke that habit. I thought, since I am listening to books this time and not watching sitcoms on IPad- it will be different. But not really. This divided attention makes me feel sluggish. It leaves void inside me. Books are there to set me free- not to enslave me.  I know better.  I deserve a  clarity- a life with focus.  Even if I read for 10 minutes a day- that's OK. But I don't want to do anything else while reading. And even if I feel urge to relax while doing daily chores and watch or listen a bit... I should be patient. May be that will give me motivation to be more efficient. Besides, nicely folding a laundry is a task that gives me joy. Keeping house tidy and neat is rewarding in itself. And playing with kids and talking to them  about their day is a precious time that will never come back. It will be a shame if I miss all that. Need to slow down. No more jumbling things.  Instead, doing them one at a time. Yes, one thing at a time.- praj101