Trying so hard to be Good or Being Ignorant

As per Indian culture, developing a deep bond with in-laws is of paramount importance in any woman’s life. Her self worth and Societal worth highly depends on her commitment towards all she does for her husband’s family. Depends on individual situation, she may or may not get the love and respect in return. This blog post is not a post for what should be done in this regard or how should we change these unjust societal norms. Also, this is not a blog about husband’s role towards his parents and wife which are or are not - just and fair.
The part that I sadly dwell on is the years lost in doing all these good things for my “ after marriage  family” while ignoring my very  own. As far as my situation is considered, I got married and came to US and was involved in furthering my education,  my career and family. My parents, whenever came to US, always came to help me with my kids. They were my main strength and support in tough years of my life.  However, whenever I visited India, I was always busy doing things for my in-laws and making my “ this home” happy and comfortable. I remember visiting my parents for just a week or so. In that week , I spend lot of time visiting my friends and family and hardly had any meaningful  time to spend with my parents. I somehow thought that my parents would always be healthy and active and I have this eternal time to spend with them later. Unfortunately, now I am realizing my mistake. My parents are getting older. They have their own health issues now. My kids are getting older and are busy with their schoolwork and I am still a career oriented woman. All these years that I spend pleasing and developing relationship with in laws   feels not that genuine as it had a hidden motive of  “ pleasing” and I am still unaware of the final outcome . I would have rather spend this hard earned vacation time with my own parents who raised me and has given me so much.
Daughters who don’t work or have luxury to spend time with their parents and in laws as pleased don’t have to face this dilemma. My life choices and career choices are my own and they do come with pros and cons. But this simple  choice was right in front of me and I  missed it like an ignorant.
As my soul search and  I look internally within myself - this inadequacy in my own life saddens me. I feel the pull in different directions and I can only choose so much.  My parents are and should always be my top priority. Society may judge harshly and convincing everyone is neither my obligation nor my priority. People have their own opinions and I have mine.
Here is  a simple suggestion  to all those newly married young woman- it’s a beautiful thing to have a near and dear relationship with your in-laws and do enjoy it for sure but never spend years building an illusion in exchange for the quality time you can spend with your very own parents. And yes- just be yourself.
Praj101