Last night

Last night.. I looked in the clock..2 AM.. I got to bed as usual around 11ish and in the middle of the night woke up may be to use bathroom. Still droopy eyed I used the bathroom and came back to bed cozing up in my blanket.

2:10 AM... Hmm ..” I really want to sleep”. I thought. “Ohh yes.. lets do meditation. It will calm my mind and make me fall into sleep”.  I started counting my breaths. Breathing in-Breathing out. . By third breath I was wide awake. Spoiler alert.. this meditation "awakenes" you.

2:30 AM.. Now I was worried what if I don't get enough sleep. Then, I was worried about being worried. Have you ever got upset about getting upset? That was me.  Something inside me said -no ways - I am not going to let my anxiety rule over me. 

 3:00 AM....Well fighting with my anxiety was futile and  I was still awake. How about gratitude practice? I heard that helps . Whom should I start with?. I said , “O yes ... self.  I love myself. I am grateful for being here. I wish myself good health. Without sleep my eyes are going to get dark circles.  Why can't I just sleep. I know.. watched  too much NETFLIX yesterday... stupid me” . Well, so much for self compassion.

 3:30 AM. “May be I want to use restroom again”. So I used it again. 

3:40 AM. I went back to pee. I think my bladder said “You just emptied me dear . You are not going to change  any outcome”. 

 4:05 AM. I was agitated by now. I said,  “Stop looking at the clock . You know what- that's it.  It's OK if I dont sleep. I am feeling anxious and That’s OK too. Well it is just the way it is”. 

7:30 AM .. OMG we are going to be late.. Kids, school bus will be here soon.

 -praj101