He vs. She

He is  good- She is good

Both are intellect in their fields

He works hard- She works hard

To take care of their family- To feed their kids

Its all the same if looked unbiased 

They both have unique personality sets

Still He is like an Emperor of a kingdom 

Some mystical creature with humanlike traits

She cares and loves and bends her ego

Sincerely bringing two families together

While He comes and sits and talks and eats

And smile as needed or might not even bother

Expectations run high- mistakes are not forgiven

New family -new rules - a learning task for Her

No expectations- just praises even if He farts

As long as He is "taking care" of their daughter

When things go in favor- She is like a "Goddess"

Soon turns into Devil if she speaks up her mind

His views are unquestioned or at least not spoken against

When he is just an average- mere one of a kind

Son-in-laws get this very special treatment 

For what? I have yet to find a valid reason

While Daughter-in-laws always try to fit in

And if they don't -then its like a treason

I know- not all the families are the same

But exact opposite of this is yet to be found

Where Son-in-law is cooking and cleaning dirty dishes

And Daughter-in-law is sipping on coffee, sitting around

 - praj101

Beware

It was summer break after my fourth grade final examination. I started my swimming class in “Gopal Swimming Pool” second year in a row. There were at least fifty other kids in the class about same age as mine. It was close to my grandma's house and I used to walk by myself back and forth.  One day, while I was walking out of the main gate of the facility someone touched me on my shoulder. I was in the middle of the group of kids, trying to push my way out of the main entrance door. One of the kids could have easily brushed on my shoulder in this crowd. But this touch was different. It was more precise-  meant specifically for  me or so I thought. I looked back and saw a middle aged man with eyeglasses staring at me. He appeared just like any other regular person.  Next day, I was little worried when I went to pool but didn't see him on my way in. However, on my way out, I saw him again waiting at the door. I looked down and started walking out from the other side of the door, hoping he won't see me. I was nervous for sure. It is surprising, how at such young age our basic instincts of self protection arise even without any prior experience. Nothing happened luckily. Few days went by and I totally forgot about the whole thing. One day while walking out of the door this creep touched me again and this time he touched me on my chest. My heart raced faster. I looked up and saw the same person with a smirk on his face that threw me into panic.  I thought of screaming “Help” but nothing came out of my mouth. I looked down and went quickly back home. I was filled with shame as if this was my fault somehow. I thought strongly of telling this to my mom and grandma but I didn't. Fear had engulfed me. I was very alert for next few days watching around carefully and never let my guards down while getting in and out of swimming facility.  Few days passed. I was nervous all along.  One day, after class, while I was walking back to my grandma's house someone tried to push me inside an old building.  He was nudging me inside a building in front of so many people. I don't know why nobody noticed. A man pushing a little girl is so obvious actually.  I was half way inside building front yard, sweating and trembling in fear when some immense power got in me( God's grace-you may say) and I started screaming “ Help-Help”. I literally didn't stop till he lessened his grip on me. I ran out of the building as fast as I can. I ran back to my grandma's house without waiting for anything or anyone. I was too young to understand what this all means. But my gut feeling was telling me that I was in immense danger. I told my grandma everything after reaching home and later told my mom about this man. They both were supportive and worried about me as well. First I thought of quitting the class but I didn't. I am happy I didn't. After this incidence my grandma accompanied me for few days and then my friend who was 3-4 years older than me came with me. One day I saw him again.  He was waiting at pool entrance door. This time I was not looking down in fear or shame but looking straight at him. I showed my friend who that person is. He retreated back. I never ever saw him again. This experience still haunts me occasionally when I hear about some young girl suffering from sexual assault. I was lucky that day to escape from a sexual predator.  I wished me or my parents reported him in police so that he would have got caught and no other girl would have suffered. Unfortunately we didn't. I can do one thing here now though and that is to decode  my experience as their is interesting human psychology that is on display.

First of all we just have to accept that these psychopaths/ sociopaths exist in between us even if very few. You don't have to go to any isolated areas to experience such humiliation. It can happen even in crowded places. These predators love themselves and will go to any extent to satisfy/please their power needs without thinking about others emotions. They can cause both physical and mental pain to others without any remorse. 

Second thing to note is body language- both my body language and that of predator's body language. My body language was one of fear. Eyes down, trying to escape with feeling of impending doom. Once he noticed how scared I was he tested me gradually. He started just by touching my shoulder. He checked if I said anything to anyone or even raised my voice to him.  I didn't. Then he advanced gradually. He was studying my reaction to see how much he can push  before getting any backlash.  It was a pure power dynamic. Predators feel that they are powerful and want to dictate the scenario. Scared to stand up for myself as a ten year old I was an easy pray for him. 

Third thing to note here is "space" dynamic. He was taking advantage of crowd- Place where his dirty acts would go unnoticed. Or rather I would be the only one who would notice them. He encroached in my safe space slowly but with aggression. He made me aware of his presence making me smaller and invisible. His smile was one of smugness making sure that I understood that he was in charge of this situation and I was his puppet. Also, the way he posed himself made it very difficult to fight back. I was not sure how and from where he was approaching me and therefore it was difficult to escape. 

Fourth and the most important reason that he got away with this was my unawareness of such things. Nobody in home or school taught me about sexual predators. They thought ten years is such a young age. I think it is still difficult for people to open up and talk about such things freely. This subject is tabooed for so long. Unfortunately evil grows in darkness- the more we hide it the more it grows. I wish all the kids will get educated about these things. The more people report-the more lives would be saved. Awareness is the key solution to these problems. 

One more thing to notice is that he was pushing me in the crowd and no one noticed. This taught me one important lesson: One has to raise her/his own voice to avoid being pray. Waiting for someone else to do something for you is not doing much for yourself. One cannot blame others for not noticing injustice. If you experience or notice -Speak up.

Another important thing to do is to document everything. Documentation makes things clearer. It can even help police later in investigation -just in case. Besides it gives you understanding of your own emotions and gives you power to speak up for justice. 

Always being aware of surrounding and not putting oneself in dangerous situation is critical. Backing off if things don't feel right is way to go: When in doubt-back out.. Our body has evolved with natural instincts that guide us all along. Due to social norms we feel burdened not to speak up. I think this was one of the reasons why I didn't said anything to him on the first place questioning his intentions. I thought I will look stupid or will get shamed. Lot of times we think these things will never happen to us. But there is always a first time. Listen to your own instincts-- They can be life saving. Learning some self-defense  strategies would always be beneficial. I wish all the kids will learn swimming and some form of martial arts as life saving strategies. I think it is more important than learning maths and science. 

This is a very personal experience that I had shared with you today. I contemplated in my mind before- to share it with you all or not. But again, I would be hiding evil behind curtain.  Hopefully my personal experience may save someone from their sufferings. Take care and Beware. -praj101

Little one’s Blog- wants and needs

Wants and Needs.
Wants means that you want something e.g. balloon that we play with and needs means what you really really need e.g. house that we live in. Wants and needs are different things and needs are more important than wants.

What is Minimalism -for me

 I was browsing on the Internet that day just out of boredom and by sheer luck ended up watching Minimalist documentary on Netflix. I had  huge perspective change which led me to follow path of Minimalism... kinda-sorta. I am a bit flexible about the way I define minimalism for me. As Minimalist, Joshua and Ryan have said that Minimalism is not any cult or a fad. Trust me if it would have been any one of that , I wouldn't have joined in. I define Minimalism on my own terms that are convenient for me.
For me, Minimalism means keeping only those material things that add meaning/value to my or my family's life. It has been very interesting journey so far and I know I have ways to go yet. In the beginning, I went all in. Getting rid of first few items were really hard but once I passed that threshold decluttering became easy. Once initial enthusiasm waned, I took a slow and steady approach which works better for me. Occasionally I do get in the zone and declutter a big chunk. De cluttering is just a habit now and doesn't feel like any extra work. Also, since I am already on the path of reducing stuff, there is not much clutter to clean. I spend less time in shopping and therefore doesn't have to worry about sorting and storing all that stuff. It's sure a win-win.
It would be nice to have family on the same page. I tried to teach my kids about minimalism.  However, one kid got on the board easily while the other still struggles. My husband is not exactly on the same page as me ether but thankfully only few steps behind.   I used to force everyone in my family to change just like me but this approach was very counterproductive. They are different people with different personalities and priorities. I respect that. Also, someone wise has said before -"Action Speaks Louder than Words". I am counting on that by taking action myself.
Sometimes I do  have some set-backs and I am OK with that. I don't hold myself to a very high  standard that would send me to a path of guilt and eventually make me give the whole thing up. Nope. I am not  rigid, which keeps me going forward.
Just to be clear, I am neither miser nor frugal. Rather I emphasize on quality of the product that I want and would be ready to spend little extra if I need to. Besides, good quality means longer shelf life. That means less impact on environment. That's kind of important for me.
 Minimalism is not at all hard for me. I don't feel like  I am depriving  myself by not buying stuff. Actually I find it very easy to say "no".   Not having much of an attachment to "stuff" is pretty cool -I think. Minimalism has lifted a huge burden from my shoulder. I am  positive now that I can get by with less space, less money and less stuff even if life throws a curve ball. This feeling is liberating in itself.
Being Minimalist for me is not same as being lazy.  I value of  hard work. I admire people who work to elevate their lives.  Earning and saving for better future of my kids is a very fulfilling goal. Money is valuable resource and I will never devalue it.
Here is recap of benefits of Minimalism that I have found for myself. Minimalism-
1. Keeps home tidy and clutter free.
2. Decreases in "time-waste" involved in unnecessary shopping/ storing/ organizing .
3.  Gives extra time to things that I love to do such as reading and writing.
4. Saves money by reducing spending on un-necessary wants.
5. Gives me ability to spend more on things that I value.
6. Teaches me good spending habits which in turn will make me have healthy relationship with material things.
7. Reduces environmental impact by reducing environmental cost of "stuff".
8. Reduces stress and anxiety.
9. Makes me more grateful for the things that I have.
 - praj101

To All the Mystery Novel Enthusiasts

Recently I started reading a mystery novel after a very long time. Romantic novels never interested me- maybe I will try those after fifty- but at present mystery is what I yearn for. May it be detective solving a gruesome murder, a legal thriller involving hideous crime or even fictional mystery like Lord of The  Rings. Mystery is just way to exciting.

As a kid, lot of us wanted to be a police officer or a detective. We would take such a pride in catching all those imaginary bad guys. But who knows what happens and we all end up working 'nine to five' in some typical job setting. We bury that curiosity, that thirst to find truth. However, getting at the bottom of anything puzzling remains concealed inside us. 

I think we all have a hidden detective. And we will happily solve all the misdeeds in the world if we have courage and time.  Its not that we never act as detectives. The basic "lost and found" game that we all play at home with us trying to find our lost wallets and keys is in itself pretty breathtaking.  Considering all the possible culprits in  "who finished all the cookies from a cookie jar" is like solving a mystery in itself. We also demonstrate  good time management skills that are so pertinent to be a crime solver. e.g. exact decoding thirty minutes in the morning to fulfill all the required tasks such as getting ready,  packing lunches and taking kids to school-bus stop is almost equivalent to defusing a bomb. Also, we all know that we can remember and retrieve any information from the past to use it as and when needed - just ask our spouse. All in all, we all are detectives - just very boring ones.

That's why these mystery novels are so very fascinating.  They satisfy our adrenaline rush at the comfort of our homes. Sitting in a comfy chair, sipping on a hot coco we can ride with author in different landscapes of his creative mind.  Various settings, different plots and so many interesting characters. Author describes those characters with such a vivid detail that we start visualizing the story in seconds. Who did the crime and why he or she did it is such an intriguing question. Mystery novels embodies all the good and evil in the world -exploring different human personalities and in return makes us more humble.  As the story takes twist and turns , as it travels in the past and future,  we go along with it.  Building our own sub- narrative behind the story, we become detectives in disguise and start analyzing the characters to find the perpetrator.  And when the story takes unexpected spin- it Wows us. We can get in such a flow that all the ordinary senses such as time, hunger and thirst fall behind. And finally comes the end - that ahas us and at the same time nudges us towards the next read. It’s very gratifying to live at least for few hours of few days in this alternate reality.  After all, this mystery world is much more thrilling than our own. To all those mystery novel enthusiast- I am with you.- praj101 

Step It Up

Life around Randi would not be easy at first glance... especially for her patients. With nothing much left to pretend at her age,  she was as fierce as an arrow,  conveying her feelings straightforward with no sugar coating. . She was slender with upright stance and dark piercing eyes.  With such an athletic built,  it would be clear that this woman must spend lot of hours in the gym ... Well, not bad for a 62 year old.. right? She was toned from head to toe and had an agility as a kid, maneuvering herself  easily in Rehab Department. Her biological age would emerge occasionally when  she would rub her knees and we knew that she was due for knee replacement. But for Randi, talking about her aches and pains was practically wasting her time. Besides, her age  had no co-relation with the strength that she portrayed.  Randi,  physical therapist and my colleague, had been part of  therapy world for more than 40 years. Athlete at heart, she believed that everyone should just move their bottom little more. When I started working with her few years back it was a bit shocking to find the way she interacted with her patients. She was frankly honest to a little extreme degree. Once she built friendly rapport with patient, she won't hesitate to tell him/her to loose those pounds  or stop being lazy in not so politically correct way.  She would demand action from them.  More I worked with Randi, I recognized that Randi just step things up. She would make ninety year olds stand on blue foam with and without assisting device to work on their  balance. She would put 3-4 lbs around patient's ankles and make them walk 300 feet to increase their functional muscle strength.... mind you, all of these patients were geriatric patients. She would challenge patients endurance with “I think you can do a little more”as her go to statement.  Well, she would always follow safety precautions and back off if pt is not medically feeling well. But laziness should not be an  excuse as far as Randi was considered. Patients would call her "Drill Sergent" but at the same time they would enjoy working with her. There was someone who was expecting a little more from them at their age which they used to find very inviting. Working with Randi for more than two years made me little more adventures with my patients too. Slowly but surely I understood power of stepping things up.. Randi taught me one important lesson. Old age is just a number. She herself being 62 years old, did lifted  free weights and had a robust aerobic routine... Her sore knees and occasional back  pain were her mere challengers. Those musculoskeletal problems  encouraged her to find different healing strategies like stretching and massage. But giving up on exercise was never an option.  She wanted to make sure that her patients thrive doing exercises as well. Randi would say that you have to challenge patients in all possible ways  and you will see nice growth in their daily functional mobility. You don't want them to be dependent on someone else. Being independent in day to day  activities is such a vital thing to be alive.. Don't do things for elderly instead teach them to do it for themselves. Give them correct tools and they will thrive. Give them some purpose to live for. May be its just walking 100 feet to dining room, folding their own laundry or cleaning up their own room... whatever it is - big or small- its very satisfactory and engaging for them. As a therapist- we  need to challenge status quo. We need to help patients build those muscles.  You work that muscle and it will work for you. You make it rest and you may have to rest in peace( RIP) . Ouch ... what a ruthless fact. That's why  -Step It Up.- praj101

Here and Now

I always wonder how I am different as an adult than as a kid. Well apart from obvious physical differences, there is a lot that has been shifted in the way that I think. Of course my life is more complex now as an adult.  I agree that I didn't had any huge responsibilities on me as a kid. But on the flip side there were those small duties like getting ready to school, learning, giving exams etc. that I still needed to fulfill. Besides, at that time, I had to eat whatever my mom gave me and wear whatever she approved of.  Today as an adult I cook with my own choices, dress as I desire- you get the point. I am more in charge of my own life. So its not all that responsibility thing that everyone always touts for. I personally feel that my childhood was way more fascinating than my adulthood. And digging deep, I can see  key difference in my mindset that may be responsible for this- I was more "experience oriented" as a child and I am more "goal oriented" as an adult.

What does this mean? Here is a simple example to clarify my point. You ask me to walk/run for a mile. As a child, I would be out enjoying this simple activity with no extra whistles and bells. I wouldn't cared if I was wearing exercise clothes or any particular brand of shoes. FYI- most of my childhood I played outside without wearing any footwear. I would look around at trees, flowers, rocks whatever is out there with no particular agenda. I would run, stroll , walk, go back and forth with no certain path in my mind. If I suddenly remembered to call my friend on the way, I would just run to her house and give her a shout. I won't be worried about mud puddles on the road and even enjoy jumping and splashing in few. Bottom line -I would be in the moment enjoying whatever is going around me.

Now as an adult, going out for a walk is little more "planned activity". I will be wearing my exercise clothes and  shoes, fit -bit on my wrist will be measuring the exact distance that I walked and calories that I burned and if I want my friend to join, I will politely call her first to confirm her availability. Thankfully while walking I will still enjoy nature. However,  on and off my goal oriented mind will pop up thinking about chores I have to do later, who said what at job and/or some other jargon. 

This key difference is true for most of the day-to-day activity that I do now compared to me as a  kid.  I have to find a "special time" to enjoy my "me time". As a child, all the time was my "me time". I was "here and now" for most of the part without worrying about future or past. When I studied, I was studying. What I want out of these studies was never on radar until I went to college.  I didn't attach value to my chores. They were just chores.  I ether enjoyed them or hated  them...." them" being  those experiences. There was no deep down meaning to my emotions that atleast I understood of.  But now as an adult, I plan things for future. I run behind goals. I ruminate for the things that I didn't achieve. I ask "why" and "how" way too much.  I want my kids to study for them to be something . I want myself to do exercise to reach some measurable weight goal etc. I do -----  because I want ----. You fill in the gaps.

The point I am missing is that life is full of experiences. Experiences happen now, at this very moment. They don't wait for past or future. They are here and if I miss them they are gone.

Life would be so much more interesting if I would just pause and start living in now. I want to feel things as they unfold. Feeling with all my five senses. Feel that contraction in muscles while lifting that weight, noticing different aroma's of spices while cooking, listening to the silence without filling it up with all gibberish thoughts, taste sweet and bitter with equal curiosity... there is so much there to feel. All good and bad.... without overlapping it with my random thoughts. I am aware of my planning mind... its so strong.. I know even if I decide to change my ways  I can revert back... again and again...  Nonetheless my experiences are so much more captivating. Can I live in the present? Just like a child- here and now.  - praj101