Here and Now

I always wonder how I am different as an adult than as a kid. Well apart from obvious physical differences, there is a lot that has been shifted in the way that I think. Of course my life is more complex now as an adult.  I agree that I didn't had any huge responsibilities on me as a kid. But on the flip side there were those small duties like getting ready to school, learning, giving exams etc. that I still needed to fulfill. Besides, at that time, I had to eat whatever my mom gave me and wear whatever she approved of.  Today as an adult I cook with my own choices, dress as I desire- you get the point. I am more in charge of my own life. So its not all that responsibility thing that everyone always touts for. I personally feel that my childhood was way more fascinating than my adulthood. And digging deep, I can see  key difference in my mindset that may be responsible for this- I was more "experience oriented" as a child and I am more "goal oriented" as an adult.

What does this mean? Here is a simple example to clarify my point. You ask me to walk/run for a mile. As a child, I would be out enjoying this simple activity with no extra whistles and bells. I wouldn't cared if I was wearing exercise clothes or any particular brand of shoes. FYI- most of my childhood I played outside without wearing any footwear. I would look around at trees, flowers, rocks whatever is out there with no particular agenda. I would run, stroll , walk, go back and forth with no certain path in my mind. If I suddenly remembered to call my friend on the way, I would just run to her house and give her a shout. I won't be worried about mud puddles on the road and even enjoy jumping and splashing in few. Bottom line -I would be in the moment enjoying whatever is going around me.

Now as an adult, going out for a walk is little more "planned activity". I will be wearing my exercise clothes and  shoes, fit -bit on my wrist will be measuring the exact distance that I walked and calories that I burned and if I want my friend to join, I will politely call her first to confirm her availability. Thankfully while walking I will still enjoy nature. However,  on and off my goal oriented mind will pop up thinking about chores I have to do later, who said what at job and/or some other jargon. 

This key difference is true for most of the day-to-day activity that I do now compared to me as a  kid.  I have to find a "special time" to enjoy my "me time". As a child, all the time was my "me time". I was "here and now" for most of the part without worrying about future or past. When I studied, I was studying. What I want out of these studies was never on radar until I went to college.  I didn't attach value to my chores. They were just chores.  I ether enjoyed them or hated  them...." them" being  those experiences. There was no deep down meaning to my emotions that atleast I understood of.  But now as an adult, I plan things for future. I run behind goals. I ruminate for the things that I didn't achieve. I ask "why" and "how" way too much.  I want my kids to study for them to be something . I want myself to do exercise to reach some measurable weight goal etc. I do -----  because I want ----. You fill in the gaps.

The point I am missing is that life is full of experiences. Experiences happen now, at this very moment. They don't wait for past or future. They are here and if I miss them they are gone.

Life would be so much more interesting if I would just pause and start living in now. I want to feel things as they unfold. Feeling with all my five senses. Feel that contraction in muscles while lifting that weight, noticing different aroma's of spices while cooking, listening to the silence without filling it up with all gibberish thoughts, taste sweet and bitter with equal curiosity... there is so much there to feel. All good and bad.... without overlapping it with my random thoughts. I am aware of my planning mind... its so strong.. I know even if I decide to change my ways  I can revert back... again and again...  Nonetheless my experiences are so much more captivating. Can I live in the present? Just like a child- here and now.  - praj101