Novel- Need to Survive- Chapter 1

Need to Survive

Chapter 1:

 3:30 PM. Neha gave a quick glance at the clock. " Need to stop watching 'Crown' now," she said firmly.  Her recent favorite serial on Netflix  had grabbed her attention and all the British Royal drama has taken her into virtual world. British Monarch's daring and confident attitude was dazzling, she thought. She didn't even imagined of comparing her monotonous life to Queens. She quickly put away her IPad. Her binge watching has been worsened since last year. Neha was aware of this fact but  still managed to ignored it . It is always better to look at interesting lives online than peek in my own, she thought with a guilt pouring in. In her mid-forties now, Neha had no drive to do anything even close to daring. Its been twenty years since she got married to Raj and came to US. A typical Indian arrange marriage that worked pretty well for her. Within couple of years of their marriage they had Rohan, her baby, who was in undergrad program now and only few hours away from Houston suburb where Raj and Neha lived. Raj, a brilliant software engineer, had climbed corporate ladder effortlessly while Neha managed home taking care of Rohan- looking after his studies and after- school activities.  Last year Rohan joined university of Texas, Austin for his undergraduate program. A sudden void grabbed Neha and Netflix did awesome job to fill it. She missed Rohan dearly but eventually adjusted to her new normality.  She will call Rohan at least once a day. That was her solace. But other than that a regular house-wife routine is all that she dragged forward. It definitely felt like a drag.  Raj would come back by 6 PM and day will end pretty soon.  Since few years now, her and Raj's conversations have become more sporadic beyond basic greetings. Raj would come home, drink tea while looking at his IPhone transfixed and then will go to his in- home office to work. If he is not busy at work then he would spend time with his friends. Raj was athletic with huge interest in Badminton, tennis and golf to name a few. His weekend would be busy with league tournaments. Honestly, Neha hated the fact that Raj looked at least ten years younger than her. But at the core of this envy was more of her own insignificance that she felt. Neha did socialize enough to find herself going for potluck parties in her Indian friend-circles on weekends. She had few close friends whom she met with regularly. But her outside home partying and shopping was still limited. She would rather spend time in her home  tidying their big house – six bedrooms,four bathrooms to be exact and did so very proudly. She was an ordinary cook.  Her culinary skills were vastly limited to Indian food. Since Rohan went to college, her overall interest in cooking diminished even further. Raj was there in her life but hardly present. She thought he was always quiet around her but sprung into life around his friends. Neha, being introvert, didn't mind.  Neha did her job maintaining their house doing general cooking and cleaning chores. Surrounding herself with friends alike she thought that is all there is to life. A typical life for stay in-home wife. Since last ten years or so, she and Raj drew apart. Neha was aware of this painful truth. But she was well equipped with her 'its all OK ' attitude and didn't bother to change a thing. A grave mistake indeed.  On that Thursday evening, when she looked at her clock she got out of her bedroom and went downstairs. A usual routine ensued. Time to cook for the dinner. Raj would be back from the office soon. She cooked Roti and palak paneer and put rice cooker on stove. By six, food was ready. She called Raj to check on his status. He appeared weary but that was typical of him. He had demanding job. He must be tired, she thought. His ginger tea was about to be ready when she heard door knob clicking. Raj was back.  She always felt a deep relaxation when he came home. Unknowingly, she waited for his presence. She thought that he is north star of her stability. Of course, the newly married couples romance has been vanished. But he was still most essential part of her life. Rather, most of the times when he would come late at home, she would worry about him with panic building inside her. She knew one thing for sure -she cannot live without him. As usual, Raj came in living room and sat down on a couch. His gaze on the ground searching for words. She thought something must be bothering him today. She has always made a point to not ask him about his work. She knew he never liked it. She gave him tea. With an unconvincing voice she said” how was your day?” He took a deep sigh.  Neha looked intently. If she asked him again, she knew , he won't be happy and most likely will roll his eyes and walk away. This has happened before. So she waited quietly. He took another sigh. She was worried now. Is he OK?  Is Rohan OK?  She was very uncomfortable to hold her worry back. She convinced herself reluctantly, it must be one of those days at work and started to walk back to kitchen. Suddenly she heard Raj's sheepish voice. " Neha, I want to talk to you. Can you please come here". This is unusual, Neha thought to herself. She quietly went back and sat next to him. She thought of putting her hand on his but held back.  He looked up. And with intense look in his eyes he said, “Neha, it's not working anymore".  What is not working anymore? Neha looked with confusion. Did she missed something? Is it his Job? Is he suggesting we have to move somewhere else?  Raj looked at her perplexed look and must have thought to elaborate.  He said again. “I want you not to panic. We will sort things out. Don't worry about money." It still didn't dawned on Neha. For a second ,she wondered  if he is talking about their marriage.She brushed that thought immediately. She had a  steady marriage- twenty years is long time. she was convinced.  Besides, He is almost in his fifties now. So she waited for him to clarify.  " I am talking about our marriage Neha. It's not working . We have grew apart and I don't have same feelings for you anymore. Are you getting it? " His voice was shaking -with disgust and anxiety.  A horror of what is coming next made Neha numb. She hold his hand tight. “ Raj, you are freaking me out. What is not working anymore? I love you. You and Rohan are all that I have”, She said earnesetly. Unfortunately, Raj was not looking at her.  His eyes were fixed on the ground. He said once more- this time leaving no confusion behind, “ I am sorry Neha". No he is not Sorry. Is he relived, relived from the burden, burden of her, burden of their marriage. She thought to herself.  He continued saying, " I want a way out. For good.  We can not go along pretending that we love each other. We don't. Its time to split.”- praj101