Financial Independence- This is what I want my kids to know.

Hi Kids,
I love you. I wish both of you purposeful and fun filled life that will keep you curious and engaged. Be it a life of scientist, artist, athlete or entrepreneur- anything that inspires you. Create it the way you want. But here is a thing, no matter what you do in life, you need to be financially independent. For that- you need to adapt a “responsibility driven” lifestyle. As a parent, I do believe that I have some role to play to guide you in correct direction. That's why- here are some things that I want you to know as per financial assistance that I am ready to provide you and the kind I don't want to provide.
1. Just FYI, my love will never ever be measured in the money that you will receive as inheritance. Because my inheritance for you will always be about knowledge and experiences that I can provide through my capabilities. My money, how much ever small or big it is, is always for your character building not for your adult materialistic wealth.
2. I will never tell you to buy expensive houses or cars and if you want all the materialistic wealth then you have to work for it. Two reasons: there is fun in struggle . You will be able to enrich your life with experiences and hardships. Another reason is I want you to not become financially weak.
Here is an example: As a therapist, I sometimes do recommend my patients to use assitive devices and braces for some needed time in their rehab as per therapeutic needs. However, I never want them to be depended on these assistive devices for life unless they have to. I would rather develop their muscle strength, balance, co-ordination and proprioception  and improve their functionality to avoid dependence. One thing you know-  if you don't use it,you loose it. In the same way , if you don't work on your own skills and learn from your weakness you will not become independent financially.
3. Humility is core for financial Independence. Stay grounded. When you will start without "free money" you will learn to use your own social skills to develop people relations. You will understand importance of every human being in life. You will learn to respect young and old, rich and poor and enrich your life experience by interacting with them. Being said that, this is a quality that some people already have and some develop with practice. Whatever it is, it will always keep you "human".
4. True friendships: There are all kinds of people you will come across. Some of them are "people pleasers" , "takers" who take advantage of others and they may gather around for money incentives.  When you start as a being of modest means- you will attract people who will enjoy your company and personality more than your monetary status. You want those as your friends. Someone who can tell you all the good, bad and ugly about you and you can do the same of those favors to your friends too.
5. Environmental Impact: As a novice but trying her best minimalist- your mom can tell you one thing, big houses and expensive cars are not the be all and end all. Lot of times you will find running behind materialistic things in life and wasting your time on building wealth in this regard. I would rather have you live in environmentally friendly designed house and drive environment friendly cars. We as humans, and I am guilty about this myself, have spend too much time and energy gathering all the materialistic things that are unnecessary for just to show off. This doesn't mean you should not spend money on things. Find your passion in life and spend money on that or those particular things. Again, materialistic entities can give you only transitory satisfaction and to gather those, you have to earn your own cash.
6. My work experience: Being worked in assisted living and skilled nursing facilities has helped me a lot to learn from our elders. I have come across people who are rich and poor as adults but at the end of their last quarter the most they talk about are their life experiences, their friends and families and their Passions. I haven't met a single person who talks about his materialistic wealth-well, maybe with exception of very  few. Its interesting what people have to share about their life. They are very passionate about what they did as a "work". They are passionate about the time they spend in community gatherings and their charity work. Basically, the main lesson is focus on what can you "do" than what can you "be"- as a person. ( I think this is what Bhagvatgita teaches too).
7. Mistakes: You will make lot of mistakes in life. A good learning curve will happen when you will learn from those mistakes and develop as a good, efficient and kind human being.  If as a parent, we spoon feed you everything, we will fail  as we will deprive you to build your own resilience.  That's what working towards your own financial Independence will give you .  Being said all this I am not at all saying not to be rich. Always remember, rich people can be very influential and they have power to do lot of good in life. You can be rich and spend your money on the things that you believe in and care for.
8. Be frugal: First of all that will improve your savings by default.  Don't spend on unnecessary things Learn to cook for yourself. Spend money on healthy food and healthy lifestyle. As a mom- your health is most important to me- both physical and mental. Most of the other things are things where you can be frugal. Yes, definitely find your spouse that aligns with your personality but at the same time has qualities to be financial independent. Save not as a miser - enjoy your life- but at the same time make sure you make cautious decision about where you are spending. Don't spend on things just because of peer pressure.
9. Be resourceful:This will be another thing that you will learn by being financial independent by your own work. We all are interdependent and you will, at lot of times, need help of others to go ahead in life. For example, by sending kids to after-school care, a mom can work needed hours. Here frugality won't help. Spend money and get help wherever needed to achieve life goals.
10. As a best advice from mom- try to be as much minimalist as you can. Reducing clutter in life will let you focus on things that are more important to you. Enrich your life with meaningful experiences and not superficial materialistic things. I don't know if you will find this totally boring or super cool but the thing that I learned very late in life- I want you to know this in the beginning. After all- you have to decide for your own life as adults but we as parents do have power to nudge you towards what we feel is right. Again, I wish you will always try to put needs of our planet in fore-front of your decision making process.

That brings down the things that I am willing to spend money on you.
1. Education -Education and desire to learn different things to enrich your career will always be a great goal. As a mother- that is my best wish for both of you. Whatever knowledge you want to gain through learning and the money needed for the same, I am ready to spend. Again, the important things is you kids really showing your mom your ability to put in work for it. No free money for free loaders. Volunteering at different organizations will enrich your knowledge as well. Try to start working somewhere in college days when you will have ability to earn some money as a well earned cash. Always remember, people who earn understands its value ( most of the times).
2. Emotional well being- This will include all the Yoga, meditation , martial arts classes. All the need for any therapies like PT, OT, speech, Psychologist and all the good books to read and listen. Anything that will improve life outcomes hopefully without medication.
3. Healthy diet. -I won't hesitate to bring healthy food( even organic expensive food) for you. Home made simple food would be best. You know your mom is little crazy in this regard. Also, I want you to learn how to cook healthy food so in future you can cook and feed yourself and your family such meals.
4. Any extra curricular activities- swimming, tennis, singing,  coaching for studies etc.
5. Of course any expenses related to your physical well being such a Dr. visits.

That's pretty much it. As you already know, I don't like our house cluttered with toys and clothes. So please choose toys wisely. Everything has monetary value attached to it. Nothing materialistic is free so spend some time on reflecion before buying. I will never say no for good toys. Any board games are excellent for cognition. Outdoor games ares excellent for physical health. So go for those. I won't spend any money on toys that are there just for recent fad/craze. "Just because your friends have it"- is not really that good of a reason to convince mommy.
I always encourage  you both to do house chores at home and I wish you will be good in those before your college starts. This will make your college life easy. A good practice and repetition since childhood will make things easy for you.
If I am wrong in any of the above aspects then feel free to talk to me and we even can have family discussions. Your mom has a learning attitude so if you explain me some of your point of views regarding this that differs from mine, I am ready to listen, change and act. So far, these are my point of views build by reading books by experts and with my own life experience. I have seen people seeking parents financial aide and becoming less and less financial independent. They ask their parents for "free money" without any regards for parents old age and their medical needs and spend it for their own lazy lifestyle. Parents do it out of love for kids and grand kids. However, this may make even young healthy and capable adults shallow. These adults may feel entitled for no good reason. That's not how I want you guys to be as adults. Also,  I have seen too may people thrashing environment for their own materialistic needs. I have seen, and me being part of million, who go behind materialistic things and waste savings than enjoying life as it presents "now and here".

One thing that will always remain constant, whatever you become , is my love for you. Our time spend together-talking, playing, chit-chatting and cuddling  is priceless. Those are the moments I will cherish and I am always grateful to you both and to God for the same. You both are good kids to begin with and there are always full marks for trying your best.
Love you both so very much,
Praj101

Praying!

Two things happened coincidentally:
1. I am reading a book called “Seat of the soul”  by Gary Zukav. Excellent book that connects the dots between quantum physics to spirituality.
2. One of my patients after her physical therapy treatment held my hands and said “ will you pray for me”.
Being born and brought up in India and being part of Indian culture we do touch elders feet, bow to the God’s statues and some of us do fasting for welfare of ourselves and our loved ones. All this was part of the culture and apart from fasting I was able to do everything without any forethought regarding why we do it. Besides, these ancient practices has that feel good and grounded component.
However, being secular , I was always skeptical about religious dogma. I.e. If you do this - which you should- and then this good will happen. If you don’t do this- bad things will happen etc. I personally feel that these are limiting beliefs that limit our true human potential. Oh.. sorry for digressing but the point that I am trying to make is I won’t follow anything unless it has scientific and logical backing.
In the book, Gary explains that all the matter is in itself energy field as per quantum physics theory. We are made of atoms- which if further analyzed are energy fields. So when I pray for my patient- which I did - it will send these positive signals like energy waves for her well being in this energy universe. As a physical therapist , I do want to stick with my PT scope of practice. Therapy when administered- I  do follow scientifically proven ways.  Also, Our PT goal is always healing patients and allowing them to regain their functional movement . But how great it would be to add this extra layer of intense best wishes/ prayers for well being- focusing completely on patients suffering and intently wishing that he or she will be healed. Looking at the patient as a mind- body complex. Sending this healing signal in the universe. .  Will then the energy circuits start rolling and the universe starts aligning for his or her well being?  I don’t know. Funny part is that that me- a very practical and result oriented therapist- is thinking  about doing this and it does not feel awkward and outwardly. It feels rational- and it feels good to wish good.
Thanks Gary... your book is a delightful and insightful  read.
Praj101