Accept, Surrender and Love

Here is my recent experiment on self that started with an intent to improve my "dream content" . There is this one "condition/thing" in my life that has bothered me significantly in the past. This condition, in the past, had triggered depression-anxiety in me along with fear which I had dealt with. With all my readings about motivational books, human psychology, self-help books and diving deep into Buddhist philosophy has brought me to a much much better place now. I don't get rattled by it anymore. However, it did emerge in my subconscious at nights in my dreams occasionally where I eventually wake up. That's when I know that it had never 'conquered it ' but instead its hidden in my subconscious-waiting to rattle me. So finally I decided to face it head on. I kept an intent before going to sleep to bring up hypothetical situations/ conditions to make me deal with this "situation" in my dreams. I kind of invited this energy-but this time knowingly. And it did come. I was able to successfully bring lot of these hypothetical situations in my dreams- kind of recreating my past. Sometimes it was very un-easing where I would revert to my past self controlling, blaming, fearing and getting angry with the whole thing. Even in my dream I was trying to control the situation just to avoid imaginary pain and unease. However, since this was self invited situation- I was able to kind of know that I am in a dream and then will try to apply Buddhist principle of compassion with all my heart. It was a process but slowly and thankfully I have finally changed my approach. Now in my dreams, I have become more compassionate towards "situation" and learned to surrender and let it go. I am OK with whatever outcome I will face -even in the dream. I would give credit to three things that I always kept in my mind- Heart filled with gratitude about all the things that I have and I had so far; compassion towards myself for having unease and compassion towards the situation-understanding it has equal right to exist as much as I have right to exist. Most important change came by applying Buddha's principal of unconditional love towards self and towards the "situation". This triad of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love has been the cornerstone of my current peaceful dream. Its been almost a week that in spite of me inviting it the situation never arise again. Funny enough I recently heard birds chirping and singing in my dreams. Such a beautiful dream had never occurred before. If I ask Buddha, he would be like Praj, don't get attached to that awesome calm feeling ether.

Anyways, all I want to say is: Here is to all my subconscious unease- I understand that you exist and I respect you. I am grateful you are here giving me much needed life lessons. I understand that you have the equal right to exist and I surrender my ego to prove anything otherwise. And I love you as much as I love myself. Good night... and yes ..happy or unhappy dreams.

Praj101