Sleep ... my precious

If someone wants to know what zombies are just try to sleep deprive yourself and you will know. That is exactly how I am feeling today. My colleague calls this situation “brainfarted”.. eww. No focus, total lethargy and jumbo headache . “My anxiety to blogging approval ” is totally responsible for this super grouchy state. I wrote blog and posted it on my social network site “what’s app” . Then I got into total monkey mode and all this just before going to bed. Checking my what’s app feed like a freak every few minutes to see reply of friends or family to my creativity was just too taxing. In the back of my mind I understood it’s not only reasonable but alltogether impossible for all my friends and family to check out my blog especially if I posted it at 10:30 pm at night. As much supportive and kind my friends are I felt kindda bad for them. My mind was judging my friends and family with pretty prejudiced thoughts.  I thought everyone will say “ here she goes again.. with another painstaking read.... so long.. you are such a boring person”. Then another wheel of thought went in my head . I thought.. hey I am not  saint.. o hell no.. I have skipped things that are long especially those who do not interest me.  So first I was acting as an accuser and then as a defender against my own panic. And In this stupidity of my poor mind one thing I lost that is most dear to me -my sleep. My comfortable, cozy , super refreshing sleep. And what I lost it for?? My big fat ego ( never thought of loosing its weight.. hmm).  Why do I need others approval? Don’t take me wrong. I love my friends and family and they did respond with generous likes. But still why I have to loose my sleep for that. I think there can be two ways to answer it. Buddha would have said “ attachment” and psychologist would have said it as ego. I was too attached to my blog and my ego was so fragile that I needed an approval. How about from now on no more looking for these ego satisfying approvals. Putting down things that I care with no expectation in return. My sleep is too imp for me to lose it for blogging. I want to write and explore not write and explode ... bad word play ... that’s what happens when u don’t get sleep. Did I tell you I love my sleep.. am I too attached to sleep? 🤔🙈.. this is too much thinking dude. Good night sleep tight.:)-praj101