Sonia and Her

Sonia was standing at the door waiting for her husband to come home. His usual time of arrival was 6 PM. It's been 6:30 PM already. He said he left office right at usual time. "What's taking him so long? I hope he is OK" Sonia thought. She tried to call him on phone but he didn't pick up. The anxiety of something bad happening to him was overwhelming her. "How come when things don't go as planned I get worked up?" Sonia sighed. Her standing at the door was not even warranted. But she felt confident that he will be back as long as she will wait for him. "What difference it's going to make if I sit or stand? " she wondered.  Nevertheless she stayed at the door steadfast declining her logical mind. Finally her husband arrived after few minutes . Sonia felt a big relief. The rush of anxiety has drained her. She ran forward and gave him a hug. He said that an old friend met him on his way and that's why it took him a little longer. Her husband went inside to freshen up. Sonia was about to close the door when she saw someone smiling at her at a distance. First Sonia thought that she is hallucinating. But then that figure came closer. It was a woman. A fair, nicely built woman with cold eyes - maybe same age as of Sonia's." Who is she and why is she smiling at me? " Sonia thought. "Is she someone that my husband has affair with? " . Now Sonia's worry was changed into anger. She went inside to call her husband out. When they both came out , the woman was no longer there. Sonia, started investigating a little further but her husband assured her that there is no other woman that he is involved in. Sonia felt little better.

Few days have passed now from that incidence. Sonia was running late for her work in the morning. She generally is on time but today morning things didn't go as planned. She took her car out of the driveway. However,  Sonia has a routine that she has to follow when she is late.  She will go back to make sure door is locked.  This will make her feel better. She did the same today. Then she drove to work. As she parked her car in parking place and started walking to her office she saw the same woman standing at distance staring at her. "Is she stalking me?" Sonia thought nervously. She quickly went inside and peered out from her office window. The woman was gone. 

 Few more days had passed now.  Sonia had to perform presentation regarding marketing ad for companies upcoming product. She was working on this presentation for a whole week now. It was ready and she reviewed it multiple times. It was the day of presentation. Sonia was little worried. She knew she will nail the presentation easily.  However, she felt like she has to prepare just a little more. Her extra effort  and extra worry has always worked in her favor, she thought. Worrying till the end has given her an edge. She went in the presentation room with everyone sitting at circular table.  And there she was ... that mysterious woman staring at her with her cold eyes and a weird smile on her face. Sonia froze. Beads of sweat were gathering on her forehead now. Sonia nudge her colleague and asked him who that woman is sitting in that chair. He looked at the chair . No one was there.  "There is no one there Sonia.. are you feeling OK?"he asked.  Sonia was not OK. She felt as her legs are going weak and she is going to throw up. Is she seeing some kind of ghost?  Her rational mind was telling her that she needs to schedule a psychologist appointment but inside she was trembling with fear. She ran back to her office cabin. The meeting was cancelled.  

Sonia sat in her chair  planning to call her husband. " Are you scared of me? " Sonia looked up. The woman was sitting in front of her. "I am hearing voices now...  I must have schizophrenia ", Sonia thought frantically.  Sonia somehow gathered courage to ask her, "Who are you? Why are you following me?" Woman laughed viciously.  "Sonia, I am not following you. You are inviting me. I had always come whenever you needed me... whenever you needed my support". Sonia was confused now. "Sorry, ma'am . You must have mistaken me for someone else. I never called you or invited you. There must be some confusion".  Now that woman's smile changed into frown. "This is huge insult to me. Don't you know me? Think hard Sonia.  I have always been there for you since your childhood", woman said,  "you used to stand outside of your home if your mom was late from work. You used to prepare for exams till the end and you always wished for my company. Since then you needed me. Recently, since you need me a lot,  I thought I might as well introduce myself personally".  Sonia looked in shock and observed this woman closely. "Are you my worry?" Sonia asked.  " Nope" woman said, "not that simple logical worry... the one that will help you to take action". She explained. "I am that unnecessary worry- the  unjustifiable one. The one that you will take pleasure in having. The one that gives you false comfort. You feel you have to do those specific rituals to get through those anxious situations. That feeling is me.  I support you at your difficult time like a friend or so you think" and then that woman said with a smirk, "and in return I feed on you". Sonia looked in shock. The woman was changing her color to some vicious monster. "I am part of you Sonia. You created me. You created me to give you this false assurance that things will be OK if you worry. But I trap you in this feeling of despair again and again. For example,  once your husband comes back when you stand on the door waiting for him you feel better- right? - Then I trick you to do the same thing next time... and next time and again next time. This is that vicious cycle of worry followed by relaxation that I grab you in. Logically you know that you standing on the door waiting for your husband and your husband arriving has no logical correlation. But I have taken charge of you now. I feed like a parasite on your time, you energy and your happiness . I feed on your freedom. I get stronger. Its almost like an addiction that you develop. You are addicted to me. You are my slave Sonia". Sonia was looking at her own worry monster with astonishment. She didn't know what to do. "How should I get out of this mess", Sonia thought. "What should I do to take control of my life?  My worry and my anxiety are  dragging me and make me do things that I am not even aware of . What will be the answer for this riddle?"  Sonia thought. She looked at that woman. Now it was Sonia's turn to outsmart her. Sonia said, "I agree dear. I let you ran my life. But now I wish to be free. What should I do?" The woman laughed. "Sonia, if you are thinking that some kind of "mantra" or blessing from God will help you, then you are wrong. Actually that is my best avenue to creep in your life. Lot of times people start depending on God to solve their problems. People think that if they do certain things to please God then God will protect them from their inevitable problems. Remember, making someone else in charge of your own problems will mostly backfire. As people build this correlation that God will help to solve their worldly problems they also start believing that if they don't do certain rituals for God they will end up getting in trouble". Sonia scratched her head and said, "so you are saying you can worship God but don't expect anything in return". "That's correct" woman continued, " I haven't seen God yet but if he exist believe me he won't wish anything bad happening to you even if you do or don't follow the rituals".  "Then what's the solution?" asked Sonia eagerly. The woman just smiled. She said there is no solution dear. I am going to stay with you. Sonia stood up facing the woman looking at her assertively. "You are wrong. There is one solution. Its simple to understand but difficult to follow. If I believe that life is unsatisfactory and things may go wrong in my life then there is no worry left. Is there?  I need to remember that change is the only part that is certain in my life. Though things will work most of the times in my favor they may not sometimes. I just need to do my best.  I just need to accept this uncertainty as part of my life. That's it. Accepting uncertainty as a fact of life is winning my life back from you my friend". That woman was not smiling at Sonia any more. She was more composed now and the smugness from her face has vanished. She said with sternness, "Sonia , its not as easy as it sounds".  Sonia smiled , " I know that. But you will remind me-won't you.You will be my true friend.. not my owner but my friend".  Woman smiled and said "We will see".

Few more days are passed now. Sonia's husband hasn't come back from work. Sonia is worried. She walked  to the door. And there she was ... that woman- reminding Sonia of her promise to self. Sonia smiled and went back to enjoy a cup of coffee till her husbands return.She said " Thanks dear! I hope I won't need your reminder next time." Woman smiled and vanished in thin air thinking " you are smarter than I thought .. you are free Sonia". - praj101