Jason

I started with my masters program in university of Iowa and got research assistantship in our biomechanics lab. It was my first year in US and being newly married I was enjoying all the perks at home as well. Life was overall great. My professor was a genuinely nice person with a perfect combo of intellect and humility. However, he was busy man with a lot of projects in his hands. He helped me when he was available for sure but things were not all that straightforward as per his  time availability. That’s where you rely on your lab mates. Along with me there were three other students. Two girls and one boy- all of them doing their PhDs and already veterans in my lab when I started. In the beginning things were OK. I was taking help from girls as much as I can to understand the software, data collection and processing etc.  Both of them were from India and I automatically felt comfortable connecting with them. However, within less than a month things started to fall apart.. Part , mind you major part , of the problem was from my side. I somehow had this timid shy personality that made it difficult for me to explain my needs clearly. Also, with school  and  research I was busy, I was not ready to put in extra work. I always wanted to run back home to my budding family life. Long story short, my two lab mates  were not happy about my neediness or so I thought. They started to retrieve back from helping me and were holding back their feedback. They wanted me to put in my own efforts to find answers, for very right reasons. Well,. I was confused and apprehensive and somehow managed to tell myself that I am not getting help. In my mind I was a victim.  I felt more withdrawn. However, I was lucky to have Jason- my third lab-mate.
Jason was probably taller than six feet. He was thin-clean looking- down to earth guy. I don’t remember Jason ever been shabby. He was always in formal attire and had professional attitude. He had very calm persona and he would always talk slowly in a contemplative voice. For first couple of weeks I kind of ignored him and he did the same I guess. The only time we used to share “ Hello , good morning” gestures were during our Friday morning lab meetings. His and my research projects were also different . So there was no connection per say. However, when my other two lab-mates  abandoned me, metaphorically,  the only person left behind for me ( apart from my professor) to ask for help was Jason.
 I started asking help to Jason out of sheer desperation. Jason, can you teach me this part of  software? Jason, what’s the next step in data analysis?  Jason, can you give me feedback about my outcomes? Questions- so many questions.Thinking back-  I was not all that appreciative from my side. Jason would be calmly working on his project and I would just drop my queries  right in the middle of it. I was so obsessed with my project. Everyone else and everything else was a blur. Like  a good friend, Jason helped. He always helped. He didn’t try to teach me anything more than I asked and he didn’t asked me to figure things out by myself.. He would assist and get back to his work. Jason, occasionally used to give me cues and  I would write them down. This went on for atleast  couple of months. As time went on , I got comfortable with my work and was able to finish my project and my research in time.  Same year when he finished his PhD. He was there at very crucial moments as a teacher. My confidence  increased as I knew I had someone to guide me through.  Isn’t that we all need. We do make mistakes but we need that “ non- judgemental “ helping hand.  I , unfortunately, never Thanked him properly. Yes casually I did . However, I wish I would have expressed my appreciation in more genuine way. Explaining how he helped me. Maybe give him shoutout in front of everyone so my  professor would have known that I am grateful and he has a “ start” PHD student. Maybe my professor already knew that  but I would have done my part. I owe that much honestly.
I believe , lot of times,  I get obsessed about how I feel and what I want to accomplish. And in this “ me drama” I forget all these good people who help me along the way. They don’t expect anything in return.  I know they give their  time, their efforts, their hard work. I have spend some time  in life ruminating about people who have wronged me-  but what about those good hearted people because of whom I learned something, I became someone. And I know for certain that there are lot of these people in my life who have played essential part of being “givers” . I wish I will recognize them and I will recognize things that they have done for me. And I wish I will give them shoutout. I will be able to exactly tell them what I am grateful for.
So to all these invisible “ good humans” of mine- Thanks- Sincerely!
Praj101