So here in this post I want to talk to my woman-friends... a heart to heart discussion. Why we as women are so quick to judge other women? I have seen this "judging" in the world in small and big scale. Believe me , I must have made similar mistakes too and now I truly want to be aware of them in future and want to correct them to my best abilities. So this is more like a problem analysis.
Here is what I feel in nutshell.
1. We grew up in Patriarchal society where men had way more financial power. That lead to more decision power. To live in a society like this, men's favors were important sometimes even for survival. This lead to more dependence and more reverence towards men. In any family dynamics, frictions happen. And when that happens someone has to show discontent some way or the other. Who will be best target? I think easy pick would be someone weak , financially dependent person whom you can blame your own insecurities. That's how women became targets of judgement- both by men and women. Now even when women are financially independent, still some old habits remained.
2. It's our upbringing. What did we see in our mothers and grandmothers? Dependency in every step. Keep mouth shut-especially in essential matters. Listen to the man-as he has the last word. If a little girl sees this again and again- indirectly she is getting ideas that she is powerless. Unfortunately, little boys do get ideas that they are in charge and can be bossy around.
3. Bollywood: I would highly blame Indian Bollywood cinemas for this. Getting same kind of movies about a relation between man and a woman( especially young lovers) . Come on -you guys don't have any other subjects? Most of the heroins are shown flaunting their bodies and getting loved by man as if she doesn't have any other talents. Man is always protecting and a girl is always ether shy, or bold in a girly way. Why each and every movie and oh gosh those year long serials have to revolve around same topics. I believe healthy body and physique has great importance and of course you need to have that romantic click, beautiful songs and all. But not for 90% of movies(hypothetical guess). And girls can wear whatever they want but at the same time there can be so much potential in their characters- especially showing them strong- mentally and physically.
4. Expressing yourself in same "unimportant" way: May it be emotions, family struggles or any other family matter- Woman are revered in society for sacrificing. Doing everything for family and always putting family first. People don't understand bad consequences of not keeping healthy boundaries. A woman even if getting abused keeps it to herself and unfortunately, society will emphasize the same. Why?? Just to keep family together. Well, is it really the best way to raise kids in an abusive environment. Hide things and they grow. Express concerns and you may find resources to resolve them. So I wish woman will stop playing victims and take some active steps to resolve their helplessness. And I wish society, especially other women will praise that. I think the best way to avoid helplessness in future is to start taking small and big decisions from the beginning without worrying about making mistakes ( with parental guidance of course). More this decision making skill improves- the more ability comes to handle insecurities in life.
5. In-Laws: OK here things get way to tricky for Indian families and Indian mentality. Expecting too much from daughter-in-law and not much of anything at all from son-in-laws. Why not parents raise responsible kids and expect things from them in return even if its son and/or daughter. Family dynamics is complicated. Expectations should be kept out in open before marriage, discussed thoroughly.
6. Financial Independence: This should be number one in my list. Woman should be financially independent and at least know all ins and outs of finances in her home. Even when woman is a housewife, she does so much work in home that honestly speaking that all should be counted as her earnings in some monetary incentive. In my opinion, woman who is a housewife should get some monthly deposit in her bank account as her very own. Unfortunately , things in our society are appreciated when they have price tags. And it doesn't matter how much woman talks about her worth inside four walls , if she doesn't have it in her bank account, it hardly counts. When we are secure inside, need for judgement goes away- at least I feel that way. (Between, at the same time my personal choice is never being a spendthrift so that my savings would vanish away. But, again , no judgement for those who like to spend and enjoy their life .:)).
7. Woman Judging other woman: so the whole reason of this post is to shed some light about this phenomena where woman judges other woman. Not everyone. But a lot. This is the biggest issue that I find. Even if woman is following all the traditions, if she is not following traditions, if she is independent, if she is not independent, if she makes mistakes ( well who is perfect here?) ... for whatever, for everything, woman judge other woman. Have you seen men judging men? How many posts men circulate in social media mocking Amitabh ( and I am happy that they don't). How many times men talk about other men in judgmental way. Forget about some men like Karan Johar who make money with Gossiping in shows like Coffee with Karan. There are always exceptions. The reason men get ahead financially , power wise and in all societal matters in this world is because men support each other.... knowingly or unknowingly. Are we so insecure inside as a woman, so weak and timid that we need to point fingers at other woman- make fun of them, be jealous of them just to feel better about ourselves? ... Does we pulling each other down get counted as a bad karmic point against us? Is that's why we are still on unequal footing? I am not saying do not criticize for mistakes. Discuss openly as friends. Not behind backs as cowards. We have power when we stand together. So next time be careful what you forward 'just as a post'- even if its funny- on whats app, facebook etc. Even if we don't write those things, we subconsciously accepts them as matter of fact. We judge indirectly. These small acts weakens our united front. And our daughters may have to see and feel same prejudices that we felt in our lives. And we don't want that.. right?
With all above points in mind I do believe sacrificing for family, loving kids and husband unconditionally and doing things for all family members has a great value. Woman and man are two most essential parts of society. I am not advocating blaming man and being hard on him in any way. Man can be loving , caring, strong and yes protective and that's all nice and I am grateful for that. Yet I want that same respect and gratitude for woman... at least from a woman first. That's all. Love and compassion is basis for humanity. That's our heart chakra (4 th chakra). But to reach for the true potential for this 4th chakra and make it glow and grow; our first three chakras should be strong foundations- Our Physical and financial health and our self respect as a woman for self and for other women in the world.
So please woman, my friend, no more judging.
praj101
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