#MeToo and Raising Sons

# MeToo movement is happening in USA and now in India and I am happy that women are coming forward with their  #MeToo stories. This blog is not about who is right and who is wrong and I think each case differs in its own way and needs its own investigation. "Sexual assault " is crime and should be taken seriously. Offcourse reporting it immediately will improve chances of case outcome but not everyone is strong mentally to report such things. Besides our culture is "man friendly " and unfortunately lot of times other women drags woman down when it comes to taking stance. However, one question bothers me is that what if someone reports this crime falsly. What then? I have two sons. I have to think about their future. Is it a possibility? Off course it is.  Then as a mom of two sons and a woman who is passionate about woman equality whose side should I take? I have gone through different articles, videos ,expert and general public opinons/discusions  only to find that perfect solution doesn't exist. I cannot change world. I cannot promise my sons that life will be fair. I am not sure myself what paths my sons will take as they grow older. Here are some things though that I think will help them. 

1. Science: Luckily sex education classes are provided in schools. I dont know if they include hormones and their functions as going through puberty but I think it will be good for my kids to know general anatomy and physiology about human body especially related to sexual functions as a base. Also, understanding and providing information about birth control and use of condoms to avoid STD's will be helful. 

2. Consent: Kids should be taught in school and also at home regarding education about what is "consent" and why it is important to take one. I think they should include this in school curriculum. I read about one california teacher who is already teaching this to kids and I really liked her idea. I think it will help with bullying problem in school as well.  

3. Private parts: Education regarding not touching anyones  private parts and not allowing anyone else to touch your private parts is imp. Also education regarding whom and when to report if anything wrong happens should be given both at home and at school.

4. Daily actions:  The day -to-day actions are important at home. How we interact with each other as husband and wife has lot of influence on kids. Open communication /debates in homes infront of kids is important. For me, I want to come across as someone who is confident and caring at same time. I want to show my kids that I have my opinions and I stand up for my rights as a woman. I think this will be good start for them to know woman equality . Along with that  respecting and analysing correctly my husbands and sons views and talking through problems  will hopefully show them men and women can co-exist without overpowering one another and being unfair to each other. 

 As my sons will get older (maybe at age 15 years and above) there are few more things that I want them to know. ( It will be great if my kids remain virgin till they get married and then have forever loving, romanting relationship with their wife.. But there is always just in case... ) OK . Here is a list: 

1. Drinking is bad to health to begin with and I would be more than happy if my sons will not get in to any intoxicants. But again just in case if they chose to dring alcohol then they should know their clarity of mind is ruined at that moment atleast. Also, same appilies to girls. So having any sexual contact with anyone whose mental clarity is affected is as good as inviting problems. Never touch someone even if that person gives consent if their mental clarity is affected.

2. I feel surprised by people who say that only girls have to live with consequences. I agree that may be their level of burden is higher but men may have to live with dire consequences as well. Thanks to DNA test and some great investingation techniques that men may have to go in prison if some files sexual assault claim. Also, men can sexually harass men as well and the emotional toll can be equally huge. So I want my sons to know their can be severe consequences in store for them if they cross the line. 

3. Don't forget risk of sexually transmitted diseases including HIV to both parties involve. I think this should be biggest highlight and should be talk openly.

4. No matter how girl/woman presents herself, what clothes she is wearing etc. I want my sons to know that her dress up/actions should not influence my son's actions. Man's actions is his and only his  responsibility. Every wrong action can leads to bad consequences such as damaging reputation, charater, career and family life. 

5. I understand that having crush on someone is somthing no one can avoid being a human being especially at that tender age but any action should not be taken unless it is in commited consentual relationship. 

6. I also want my sons to know that when you are in commited relationship such as husband-wife; girlfriend-boyfriend etc. never have any other romantic or sexual relationship with anyone else or have any relationship with anyone who is in commited relationship with someone else as again you are going to break lot of hearts and make things complicated for you and for them for no good reason. 

With all that being said things can go wrong and life happens. I want my sons to know  I will be their to guide them  and I love them no matter what. 

After all this serious discussion there is one most importnat thing. I  want my kids to know that there is nothing more beautiful than being "in love". I wish them good luck to find love of their life and wish them and their partners a happy fullfilling life together forever. -praj101