Joy factor

What brings me Joy - can bring me sorrow
Co-existing mystery - add or subtract
Sometimes heart feels total bliss
And sometimes pain is just about to hatch

A serene journey or ultimate chaos
I don’t know what will come on next
A kiss , a hug ,  a pleasant surprise
Or a confusing rollback and life resets

I have tried to choose only happiness
And knock down sorrow on its face
What an awful mission? Failure guaranteed
As happiness is just half part of the game

I have to embrace pain and sorrow
If I want to feel an utter bliss
As emotions just come as a package
Not one turn on and other is ceased

I feel fearful , anxious and angry
I feel happy -bouncing with joy
I feel awesome , living my best
I feel vulnerable, jealous and sad

My emotions can guide me to the right path
Or trick me in life if I am not watchful
To tell you the truth - they are just emotions
One will never define me as a whole person

As the evolution of mind is an intrigue design
The fun is finding the path in midst of detractor
Both good and bad are my best  pals
Being friends with both -I can find my joy factor

Praj101

Cultural Pains

Chapter 2:

A recent experience hit very close to Anjali’s heart. As an engineer, from a science background and being focused on day to day hub-hub, she appeared to be  quiet distant to sexist remarks in day to day life. However, her recent endeavour to publish a novel was a knock on her internal artistic side. She was even looking forward to explore even further. It was a simple project at its best with hardly any monetary success associated with it. Nonetheless, Anjali was happy. The outpouring support and congratulations from her friends and family members elevated her mood. She was taking in all that “happy energy” in to work on her next project. Everything was going as expected when her happy-bubble bursts like a balloon bringing her right to the ground. A simple comment by her mother-in-law has made that burst. Anjali’s mother-in-law, for some unknown reason, congratulated Anjali along with her son at the same time for publishing a book. Anjali didn’t know why she congratulated her son and it just felt weird. Did her mother-in-law meant that he was an inspiration behind her book? If yes, why not mention her other son. Or was she trying to say, he participated in the writing. Which was definitely not true. Anjali replied back earnestly that she wrote the book and her son has no true contribution in the project. The whole confusion was topped by one of her brother-in-law’s comment that as a mother, children are always at the center of inspiration. He said that children inspire us to reach new heights and that's why it is appropriate for Anjali to congratulate her own kids when she achieved something in her life. Anjali thought for a moment. It is true that she love her kids more than anyone in the world and they are center of her attention. One can even say that they are aspiring fountains of joy. But is this what was really going on here. Just a misunderstanding. Afterall, we want to emphasize all the rainbows and unicorns.  Before publishing the book, she has mentioned her recent adventure to both her mother-in-law and sister-in-law for a .kind support. Unlike her parents, there was definitely lack of any excitement or pride. Her sister-in-law has even stated weirdly that she is glad that Anjali has lot of “free time” in her hand. Anjali’s sister-in-law knew that Anjali works and do take care of kids. There is nothing that remotely suggest free time in her daily routine. Even if she would have been a stay home mom, publishing a book would still have been a reason to celebrate. The intention behind their comments were mainly to downplay Anjali’s creativity and hard work. The intentions behind their comments were not new to Anjali. It had always been like this. Anjali trying to prove her worth and whatever she does, she would bogged down by her in-laws mean spirits. The emotional turmoil that Anjali faced was filled with sadness and anger. Why should she care what they think? How does that even matter? Anjali knew she could not discuss her feelings openly with her mom and not with her husband ether. Anjali’s mom has gone through lot more hardship in her own life and she would feel such a simple comment anything but important. She would rather have her daughter easily ignore an emotional conflict and move forward happily maintaining all the good relationships that she has built over the years. Anjali’s husband, fearful with any confrontation with his old parents, would like to stay out of spotlight and hoping he would not ever have to stand up for something as trivial as this to cause any trenches in relationships. Basically, Anjali’s husband and mother were both voting for unicorns and rainbows. “All is well” attitude. And for last twenty years, Anjali has done the same. Going ahead with usual agenda of “All is Well”. Never speaking up for what she feels right. Unfortunately,  it felt like a big fat lie that she was harboring inside. The lie that has never given her any peace of mind. Why? Was she attention seeker.. Always trying for others approval. However, a downward comment from an unknown person wouldn't have hurt her. Aren’t they her own people whom she was expecting respect. Or were they?

Lets see why Anjali felt this way and why everyone objects.

1.Indian culture is fudging hypocrite. There is no good way to put it. There are lot of fudge-heads who wants to maintain status quo and doesn’t want to be challenged. The woman is depicted as some kind of saint who should be OK with this sexist agenda . Put her on a high moral position and have her stand up for a caring, loving and sacrificing statue. Men, in contrast, take a position of power and if someone decides to stand up against this mismatch then those woman are called angry birds.

2. For a woman to cry out loud for injustice, she really has to suffer -like literal abuse(physical and mental) . It has to be so fudging bad that she has to go to police for that. The silent assumption is that the smaller level insults/comments are part of life that she can easily take and ignore. People say- Just deal with it ,nicely. Hush-hush. Keep your discomfort aside or even better inside. Most of this fudging agenda is set up by woman equally who themselves want to keep the status quo for some abnormal family dynamic. Afterall, the comment that Anjali got is so bening that she can ignore it easily. Can’t she? Or at least that’s the expectation. That is always an expectation.

3. Apparently, these small harsh comments and hush-hush behind them is cause of Anjali’s discomfort. If she has been always treated like a throw-rug then she is going to feel like one. And when someone says that that’s OK, that’s not a big deal then it feels like a personal insult. The mistake that Anjali did was not only that she kept quiet for so long but also she did not let the other party know what the boundaries are. What are her expectations as a fair treatment.

4. Lot of times Anjali’s husband has said to her that if you are content with yourself then you don’t have to worry about what others have said. Again a rainbow talk. The reality lies here. Anjali’s husband was treated with respect with his in-laws. There were not any grand expectation from him. Anjali’s parents respected his parents too. On the other hand, Anjali’s valid frustration comes from varied insults over the years directed towards her and her parents for no valid reason. This frustration that Anjali experience  is never about one incidence but with wide-ranging experiences she had over years. Frustration builds up...period. Again some personalities may be able to let go-but not all. And for someone like Anjali, who strives for human equality, it hurts to see disparities in her own home.

5. As parents of her husband ,the difference of treatments that their son-in-law got was hugely differed from what she got in their marriage. Anjali said that as a daughter-in-law she was expected to be kind ,generous and  hardworking. She was never dependent on her in-laws for anything and they never helped her raising her kids even when lot of opportunities presented. Unlike this, her in-laws always supported physically, mentally and financially their daughter and her husband. They took care of her sister-in-laws family with love and kindness. This really hurted Anaji’s feelings. Why? Simple reason is this: this is fudging Indian culture and this is how its done. Her in-laws never congratulated their grandson when Anjali’s husband, her sister-in-law or sister-in-laws’s husband achieved something. At that time,  it was their own achievements. Apparently, Children didn’t inspire them. Hypocrisy at its best.

4. This brings up the most important point. What’s the virtue of patience, love, kindness, respect of elders that we wow in our culture. I think these shiny medals are good to be adored when society is just and fair. And the injustice , even if smaller is answered as needed. The possibility of loving-kindness is justified when fairness is established first. And above virtues should not be expected only from a woman.  .

5. As far as family life goes, husband should take care of his parents and wife should take care of hers .Equal responsibility should be put on daughter and her husband as we don’t want them to be just takers. When a husband allows his parents and sisters to downgrade his wife in front of them, he should think about very essential thing.: Does his parents downgrade his son-in-laws and son-in-laws parents the same way. If not, then how can he allow such a reckless behaviour towards his own family. If he won’t stand for his own family’s respect  then who will? If he is allowing disrespect towards his own wife then it will be ironic to expect respect from his wife for him and his parents. And if differences persist then it is just better to keep distance as needed to maintain a peace.

6. As much as it is important to respect elders, the society should remember that wife’s parents are elders too. They deserve equal respect.

7. Everyone has a value, a vision that they abide with when leading their life. For me among other things, it is important for equal treatment for woman. Not leaning towards equal treatment- as that is fudging billship. Totally equal treatment for both men and women. A true freedom to pursuit happiness, passion and love without fear of rape, misogyny and disrespect.

I asked Anjali if this brother-in-law who gave “kids are inspiration” comment  has a daughter? Going ahead in life, I wish she will have equal opportunities too. And she doesn’t have to hide behind mask of caring, loving goddess. I believe or atleast hope that she will be already part of fair society that in itself will care and love and respect-EVERYONE.  

-praj101

(“ Anjali” is a fictional name for someone that I know and want to hide her identity).

Spit Bubble- No Trouble

Spit Bubble- Spit Bubble
Double Trouble Spit Bubble
Hard to make -hard to blow
Don't rush it - Do it slow

Roll in tongue- swishy swash guggle
Fill some air to form a bubble
Blow the kiss with sticky rubble
Shh- focus or you will struggle

One -Two-Three: lets start the fun
Lets all make- a spit bubblegum
Look over nose and wide go eyes
Bubble may burst - slow down guys

Pop- Pop-Pop bursting bubbles
Sammy chuckles, Maya giggles
So much fun- let's do it again
So much fun- I love this game.
Praj101

30 Day weight Loss Challenge

Its a new day today! What a cliche.... I am on a diet!  Another Cliche.
My "weight loss" has always been that keen speck of a thorn  stuck to my butt. I am little less frantic now and little more life style change oriented. My weight was steady around 148 lbs for 5-6 months at a stretch. But during "eating season" aka holidays the weight jumped back up by 7 lbs and my today's weight is 154.3 lbs. Again, self sabotaging talk has spurred up in my mind. I am not someone, however, who would sit quietly and say "I am good- my weight is good". I want to be self-compassionate but at the same time not-lets say- Stupid. A positive talk with no action is in my books stupid. I know the tools. I am going to use them diligently. My friends inspired me to go on this 30 day journey....basically eat lots of vegetables and fruits and lean protein and healthy fats.
I am going to tweak it a little to figure out what works for me and go accordingly.
Here are going to be steps for next 30 days.
1. Sleep Sleep Sleep. At least 7 hours of sleep. Everyday. If I wont get a good night sleep in one go then I am planning to take mini naps.
2. Two 5 mins each of meditation sessions. One in the morning and one before sleep. Just focusing on breath. I can take small rest sessions throughout the day.
3. Eat only 3-4 meals a day. Nothing after 6 PM and try to keep at least 14 and ideally 16 hours of gap in between. Basically do intermittent fasting-daily. So far, this has worked with me good. I feel energized and happy with this. My stomach likes to rest.
4. Read a book/ listen to a book. I know I crave for knowledge. Books feed that part for me. Unfortunately, I am big fan of mystery, crime, thriller novels. That is not a good idea as it is hard for me to stay in this non-fiction world then. I may binge eat too being zoned out. So only non-fiction books for these thirty days.
5. Write if able. Blogs-poems - whatever my heart desires. No forcing myself though. As  I know if I get too involved in my writing process then things may go southwards with weight loss journey. Keeping a daily journal should suffice.
6. Do exercises on a go. Ideally, would love to do my Hath Yoga sequence everyday. But that's an hour commitment. That may be hard for me. Instead, I will try my best. Doing weight training with patients is totally doable. Fortunately, my job requires me to be on my feet. A great place. Getting 10,000 steps daily is possible. Also speed walking or small run or step aerobics for 5-10 mins sessions is good. I need to be careful though as I know too much aerobic activity makes me feel dull later and that is never a goal.
7. One thing I need to do is stack up my pantry and fridge with all the healthy options. And make a conscious effort to not buy  anything unhealthy. On weekends and when days allow, cook 4- 5 vegetables / usals and put them  in freezer to compensate for  my busy days. This will allow me to rest after work and also, to sneak in exercise routine by giving extra time when needed.
8. Massage with essential oils. Nice deep nourishing self massage is so helpful and invigorating. Again, this is something that should be priority to drain my lymphatic system.
9. Eat lots of healthy fats, vegetables. I don't want to go crazy on fruits though. I will eat grapefruits and berries.
10. Stay away from dark chocolate. This is an addiction. I eat 85% dark chocolate but still...I eat it daily. This is my go to snack that I love to indulge in. But need to stop that indulgence as it is affecting my sleep. If I eat dark chocolate- I need to make sure that I eat it before 12 PM.
11. Life happens. Bad things can happen. Be prepare for change and try to do my best. This is something of a lifestyle change that I am trying to do.
12. Play with kids- some active games. Again easy way to burn calories and having an awesome time with kiddos at the same time.
13. Water. Lots of water. At least 12 glasses. But I will add lemon and occasionally little dash of salt into it. I don't want to dehydrate --period! Salt retains water if one goes crazy on it. But in this kind of weight loss journey-salt is essential nutrient. Hyponatremia is bad.
14. Talk to my Mom and keep her posted. Also I am going to tell my friend about my weight loss progress. I work on accountability. This is just my personality. If I tell.. I will stick to it.
15. Limit grains, no junk food and no added sugar...period.
16. Foods to eat: eggs, avocados, ghee, coconut oil, lots and lots of steam veggies , raw veggies and lentils. Nuts and occasional dark chocolate.
17. Will take supplements too including daily multi vitamins., omega 3 and Vitamin D. These are must.
18. I am not big fan of milk. I like to eat cheese occasionally and occasionally Greek yogurt. But again I am not fan of dairy. Instead simple homemade and mostly raw/steam food will be good .
19. Relax- even when I gain a ld or so. I am planning to weigh myself once every weekend. But with my personality- I may end up weighing myself daily.  I am not saying if I won't have a bad day. Imp. thing is to get back on to rhythm. That's why I want to be in charge of my emotions. That comes back to meditation. Also, I need to learn to say "No". Weekends are the worst. When you have to attend  parties. I want to conjure courage to say " no" to party food in next 30 days. Even if it is homemade healthy option. Stay with diet for 30 days and then occasional slack of one meal on parties should be OK. But again not for next 30 days. Just Say " No". People will understand.
20. Most imp. thing for me in this weight loss journey is to de-clutter. De-clutter on the go. Clothes, pantry ...any material thing that is not needed needs to go...bye bye. I truly believe that de-cluttering helps to loose weight. Besides its my passion to organize, tidying up.
One thing that I have understood recently is weight loss is not a punishment. Eating healthy gives me lots of energy. My mind feels clear and my energy levels are high. My mood is steady. I don't feel tired or sick. I feel energetic. At present, my own weight loss is going to be my laser focus for next 30 days. I am looking forward to this journey. Do you want to join in?  - praj101

Biggie Boogie Booger

Biggie, boogie booger
Slimy, sticky fluff
Biggie, boogie booger
Gross, gross stuff

Finger in your nose
Going round and round
Eyes wide open
Or tightly shut down

Pull and stick the glue
To the clothes- To the ground
Boogie stuck in rows
Or flicked all around

Mommy says “ NO”
Daddy says “ NO”
Stop - just for a second
Then, ignore their sounds

Sticky slimy glue
Round it- lick it - eeeww
Salty salty boogie
Put in mouth and chew

Everybody  mocks
Everybody  flouts
Everybody  laughs
Mommy - Daddy shouts

Biggie, yucky booger
Everyone huffs
Squiggly, squishy  booger
For me, it’s fun stuff

- praj101