Carey

I started working in the acute care hospital in Iowa couple of months before I met Carey.  She was on maternity leave at that time when hospital hired me to work as a Physical Therapist. It was my very first clinical job in US. I was going through neophobia- a weird mixture of anxiety, shyness, intimidation and sensory overload just to interact and adjust in new place. I had theoretical knowledge but lack of experience and trying to figure out too many things at once caused unease inside me. I had  definite support from my colleagues but I was needier than that I guess. It was hard for me to open up and relax at work. Everyone sensed my timidness and some coworkers were even very upfront  about my lack of competence. I was crying like a coward at home and thinking about even leaving my job. I was going deeper in my fear-cocoon. 

One day as I entered our Rehab office in the morning there was big sign on the board- WELCOME BACK CAREY. Everyone was cheerful. I had heard a lot about Carrie in last two months. Whenever I hear about how great she was I would feel a slightly more inadequate/ inferior than her. I thought I would be practically non-existent when she arrives. I don't remember my first few encounters with Carey. May be I was too self-absorbed in my own grief or ignorance. But soon enough as we started working together I slowly understood why everyone was so crazy about her. 

Carey-Six feet tall  with strong mid-westerner built and upright posture -she can capture anyone's glance effortlessly. Her ample curly hair used to  twirl around her shoulders which were always kept in place with an elegant hairband. Carey had beautiful deep blue eyes with mischievous twinkle in it.  She would walk leisurely with her big strides in our acute hospital floors and her contagious laughs would make everyone feel upbeat. Joking around with patient and staff  equally she was someone filled with life- best combo of energy and humor. 

Carey was  mother of two with second being just an infant. She used to tell lot of funny stories about her family life which will suggest that she has a lot in her plate. She used to portray herself as someone full of faults - just a regular human being trying to make ends meet. Her openness made me feel very comfortable. She used to call herself " drama queen" with lots of her own quips. She was just way too funny. Maybe that is why everyone craved for her company. But that was just one part of  "Why we love Carey” equation.

 Carey was an awesome therapist. I remember she had  in-depth knowledge of her patients medical history. She would make quick connections from all clinical presentation and patient comorbidities  to see overall big picture. She was ready to brainstorm any new ideas regarding patients treatment plan and would think outside the box. Her practical all rounded approach towards patients  well-being was meticulous and was admired by nurses, physicians and surgeon alike. She was a solid connection between all disciplines involved. 

Carey always used to treat her sub-ordinates with respect and dignity giving equal weightage for their efforts.  She was very down to earth in spite of being a lead acute Physical therapist. She would consider and appreciate every one's help and was ready to question authorities for what is right. So all in all Carey was awe-inspiring therapist. 

But for me, she was more than all of  that. Carey happened to be my angel- pulling me out of my depressing cocoon. She was my miracle that I needed the most when things were dark for me. Carey made an effort to talk to me even when I did not show much interest in the beginning . She would get me involved in conversations regarding patient care or  about our  day-to-day life. She would ask me for my opinion that lead me to do some of my well directed research and in turn improved my understanding of the subject matter. If I came up with any new/effective ideas,  she will praise me in front of everyone acknowledging exactly what I did making sure I get the credit . She taught me well rounded practical application of my theoretical knowledge. Carrie was a successful giver. She was generous,empathetic with superior knack of understanding people's emotions.  She gave so much without asking anything back in return. She enjoyed life to the fullest and made sure that life around her would blossom as well. Carey became my inspirational model that I wanted to copy and follow. 

I left my acute care hospital job to take care of my baby after 3 years. In those three years I think I was a completely changed person. A confident therapist who was friends with all her colleagues. I was truly part of an awesome team enjoying every part of my work.

While working in my next therapy job in another facility my manager called me for an yearly review. My manager told me story about one of my collegues. My collegue was working for last six years in this facility and was shy, defensive and dissatisfied in her job. My manager said that she wants to give me credit to pull her out of her sadness. She is enjoying her job now. My heart was beating faster with joy.  I said with wet eyes and a big smile, " I am just paying it forward". -praj101

Blogging- How and Why

This is my forty third blog in two month period. I think that gives me permission to call myself an official blogger. Many people have asked me so far about why I blogg and how I do it. I would love to share my experience with blogging , how I write it and most importantly why I am into it.
Here is my caveat before any further explanation. I was an ordinary student in school and definitely wasn't any language expert. My grammatical mistakes have mortified my parents and teachers in the past both in Marathi(my mother-tongue) language and in English. My current grammar skills are basic at far. English is not my first language and even though living and working in US has helped me quite a lot I am still a novice. One more limitation to note here is the subject matter that I write about.  I am a Physical Therapist by trait. If I would have blogged about physical therapy related topics then my writing would have had scientific validity. But I don't blog about physical therapy. This is long ways of saying that I am aware of my shortcomings and whatever I write is my effort to evaluate my feelings /experiences to the best of my ability. My blogs are not intended as an educational lesson to anyone and if anything they may serve as mere basic entertainment. If someone finds any good in it  then I won't claim any credit for self.  That credit belongs to Buddha and all other great thinkers, writers and  motivational speakers that I have learned a lot from.
What do I blog about? My blogs are a good mix of  minimalism, human psychology and any day-to-day experience that I find interesting.  Most of the times my blogs reflect about the things that I need to change or improve in my own life. I am fortunate to work in the field where I come across geriatric population who share their very personal life stories. I also have my own thirty nine years of  first-hand experience which encompasses everything from good, bad to ugly.  Frankly those bad/tough life lessons have done the biggest favor to me in  my self improvement endeavor. I listen to lot of experts to fill me in on different topics. Buddha is my personal life coach and I am totally impressed with his psychology related teachings. (On the side note-I am just trying to be descent human being and not a monk). Other writers who have great influence on my life are Tony Robbins , The Minimalist, Dan Harris and lot others. I am forever grateful to them.
Lot of people ask me how I write. When do I get time? Truthfully its been a mix of ease and struggle. As  a working mother it is difficult to balance job and home life in general. There are days when I get less than enough sleep , I have to cook very simple meals and/or just take time out of my family time. I am not going to glorify blogging... it does take time out of one's day to day life ( sometimes even up to 5-6 hours). I have felt  the guilt of not giving 100% to my kids. But I don't want to villainy it ether. De cluttering has helped me to find that extra time in hand. I have tried to keep my schedule simple and easy to follow. I have become more resourceful by e.g. hiring cleaning lady to keep my house clean and organizing my days to avoid any waste of time. Besides if I don't watch TV/Netflix I do get that extra time easily. All in all I have just prioritize blogging /writing as part of my life. Having grit and consistency to write no matter what  are another two essentials qualities that I found useful. Here is another important lesson that I have learnt. Before ,when I used to write my blogs ..it used to give me joy if someone liked it and if no one responds I used to feel sad. Now slowly but surely  I have changed my outlook. I don't feel anxious even if no one responds to my blog. I am trying to keep myself unruffled as I know that is best for me.  I still like to share my writings with others and it makes me happy when someone tells me that they have read my blogs. However, It is just not the measuring stick any more.
Now the most important part. Why I write? I think it just happened one day. Actually in my third blog I wrote about why I need to write. I gave two basic reasons at that time. First is to share my life experiences, my vision, my values to my future generation. Second is to find awareness, to evaluate my thoughts and reflect on my actions. Those are still two very important reasons for me to write.
But since I started blogging I have found few more reasons why I write. Writing gives me pure joy. It puts me in state of flow. When I write my mind  is not distracted in hundread other things . Blogging/writing has become a mindful exercise for me. Now I know why it is important to develop a hobby besides job and home. Hobby gives us belonging.  It can be anything such as sports, singing, reading , crafting , cooking- anything ...anything that one relishes on....  anything that makes one connect to something larger than self.
One more interesting finding that I found with blogging is that I have become very curious. I am curious about why people behave the way they behave. I listen carefully absorbing anything and everything that I can just like a sponge.  Before if some one is angry at me.. I would be ether sad, worried or angry back at them. Now, most of the times,  I am just more curious towards their behaviour- and being curious is lot of fun. 
There is one more reason. I am very passionate about things like global warming, minimalism and some other social issues. I like to use this platform to express my feelings without offending anyone.
The last and most important thing that blogging has given me is confidence to grow. I want to grow in this field. It has given me purpose apart from my day to day mundane life. I have started with these small blogs but opportunities are endless if I decide to get mature in this field of writing. I just have to put efforts in my new hobby and hardwork is not something that I am scared of.
I really like to Thank all of you for being there with me in my little adventure. As Buddha said we all are interconnected and I feel your support. So I would like to appreciate everyone who has supported me in person or with likes or by just reading my blog as that encouragement is priceless. Thank you all ! And Hurray for writing.:) - Praj101

Sonia and Her

Sonia was standing at the door waiting for her husband to come home. His usual time of arrival was 6 PM. It's been 6:30 PM already. He said he left office right at usual time. "What's taking him so long? I hope he is OK" Sonia thought. She tried to call him on phone but he didn't pick up. The anxiety of something bad happening to him was overwhelming her. "How come when things don't go as planned I get worked up?" Sonia sighed. Her standing at the door was not even warranted. But she felt confident that he will be back as long as she will wait for him. "What difference it's going to make if I sit or stand? " she wondered.  Nevertheless she stayed at the door steadfast declining her logical mind. Finally her husband arrived after few minutes . Sonia felt a big relief. The rush of anxiety has drained her. She ran forward and gave him a hug. He said that an old friend met him on his way and that's why it took him a little longer. Her husband went inside to freshen up. Sonia was about to close the door when she saw someone smiling at her at a distance. First Sonia thought that she is hallucinating. But then that figure came closer. It was a woman. A fair, nicely built woman with cold eyes - maybe same age as of Sonia's." Who is she and why is she smiling at me? " Sonia thought. "Is she someone that my husband has affair with? " . Now Sonia's worry was changed into anger. She went inside to call her husband out. When they both came out , the woman was no longer there. Sonia, started investigating a little further but her husband assured her that there is no other woman that he is involved in. Sonia felt little better.

Few days have passed now from that incidence. Sonia was running late for her work in the morning. She generally is on time but today morning things didn't go as planned. She took her car out of the driveway. However,  Sonia has a routine that she has to follow when she is late.  She will go back to make sure door is locked.  This will make her feel better. She did the same today. Then she drove to work. As she parked her car in parking place and started walking to her office she saw the same woman standing at distance staring at her. "Is she stalking me?" Sonia thought nervously. She quickly went inside and peered out from her office window. The woman was gone. 

 Few more days had passed now.  Sonia had to perform presentation regarding marketing ad for companies upcoming product. She was working on this presentation for a whole week now. It was ready and she reviewed it multiple times. It was the day of presentation. Sonia was little worried. She knew she will nail the presentation easily.  However, she felt like she has to prepare just a little more. Her extra effort  and extra worry has always worked in her favor, she thought. Worrying till the end has given her an edge. She went in the presentation room with everyone sitting at circular table.  And there she was ... that mysterious woman staring at her with her cold eyes and a weird smile on her face. Sonia froze. Beads of sweat were gathering on her forehead now. Sonia nudge her colleague and asked him who that woman is sitting in that chair. He looked at the chair . No one was there.  "There is no one there Sonia.. are you feeling OK?"he asked.  Sonia was not OK. She felt as her legs are going weak and she is going to throw up. Is she seeing some kind of ghost?  Her rational mind was telling her that she needs to schedule a psychologist appointment but inside she was trembling with fear. She ran back to her office cabin. The meeting was cancelled.  

Sonia sat in her chair  planning to call her husband. " Are you scared of me? " Sonia looked up. The woman was sitting in front of her. "I am hearing voices now...  I must have schizophrenia ", Sonia thought frantically.  Sonia somehow gathered courage to ask her, "Who are you? Why are you following me?" Woman laughed viciously.  "Sonia, I am not following you. You are inviting me. I had always come whenever you needed me... whenever you needed my support". Sonia was confused now. "Sorry, ma'am . You must have mistaken me for someone else. I never called you or invited you. There must be some confusion".  Now that woman's smile changed into frown. "This is huge insult to me. Don't you know me? Think hard Sonia.  I have always been there for you since your childhood", woman said,  "you used to stand outside of your home if your mom was late from work. You used to prepare for exams till the end and you always wished for my company. Since then you needed me. Recently, since you need me a lot,  I thought I might as well introduce myself personally".  Sonia looked in shock and observed this woman closely. "Are you my worry?" Sonia asked.  " Nope" woman said, "not that simple logical worry... the one that will help you to take action". She explained. "I am that unnecessary worry- the  unjustifiable one. The one that you will take pleasure in having. The one that gives you false comfort. You feel you have to do those specific rituals to get through those anxious situations. That feeling is me.  I support you at your difficult time like a friend or so you think" and then that woman said with a smirk, "and in return I feed on you". Sonia looked in shock. The woman was changing her color to some vicious monster. "I am part of you Sonia. You created me. You created me to give you this false assurance that things will be OK if you worry. But I trap you in this feeling of despair again and again. For example,  once your husband comes back when you stand on the door waiting for him you feel better- right? - Then I trick you to do the same thing next time... and next time and again next time. This is that vicious cycle of worry followed by relaxation that I grab you in. Logically you know that you standing on the door waiting for your husband and your husband arriving has no logical correlation. But I have taken charge of you now. I feed like a parasite on your time, you energy and your happiness . I feed on your freedom. I get stronger. Its almost like an addiction that you develop. You are addicted to me. You are my slave Sonia". Sonia was looking at her own worry monster with astonishment. She didn't know what to do. "How should I get out of this mess", Sonia thought. "What should I do to take control of my life?  My worry and my anxiety are  dragging me and make me do things that I am not even aware of . What will be the answer for this riddle?"  Sonia thought. She looked at that woman. Now it was Sonia's turn to outsmart her. Sonia said, "I agree dear. I let you ran my life. But now I wish to be free. What should I do?" The woman laughed. "Sonia, if you are thinking that some kind of "mantra" or blessing from God will help you, then you are wrong. Actually that is my best avenue to creep in your life. Lot of times people start depending on God to solve their problems. People think that if they do certain things to please God then God will protect them from their inevitable problems. Remember, making someone else in charge of your own problems will mostly backfire. As people build this correlation that God will help to solve their worldly problems they also start believing that if they don't do certain rituals for God they will end up getting in trouble". Sonia scratched her head and said, "so you are saying you can worship God but don't expect anything in return". "That's correct" woman continued, " I haven't seen God yet but if he exist believe me he won't wish anything bad happening to you even if you do or don't follow the rituals".  "Then what's the solution?" asked Sonia eagerly. The woman just smiled. She said there is no solution dear. I am going to stay with you. Sonia stood up facing the woman looking at her assertively. "You are wrong. There is one solution. Its simple to understand but difficult to follow. If I believe that life is unsatisfactory and things may go wrong in my life then there is no worry left. Is there?  I need to remember that change is the only part that is certain in my life. Though things will work most of the times in my favor they may not sometimes. I just need to do my best.  I just need to accept this uncertainty as part of my life. That's it. Accepting uncertainty as a fact of life is winning my life back from you my friend". That woman was not smiling at Sonia any more. She was more composed now and the smugness from her face has vanished. She said with sternness, "Sonia , its not as easy as it sounds".  Sonia smiled , " I know that. But you will remind me-won't you.You will be my true friend.. not my owner but my friend".  Woman smiled and said "We will see".

Few more days are passed now. Sonia's husband hasn't come back from work. Sonia is worried. She walked  to the door. And there she was ... that woman- reminding Sonia of her promise to self. Sonia smiled and went back to enjoy a cup of coffee till her husbands return.She said " Thanks dear! I hope I won't need your reminder next time." Woman smiled and vanished in thin air thinking " you are smarter than I thought .. you are free Sonia". - praj101

My own little spa hour

I want to create my own little "spa hour" at home. Simple.. Affordable... Relaxing. After days of hard work I think I can make this time for myself at least once a week.. maybe just an hour on weekend right before going to bed when things are quiet and kids are sleeping . But it has to be deliberate. Otherwise my past tells me it will not happen. I need to block time on my calendar with an alert reminding me that this is my priority.

I have gone to "Spa" once or twice before in my life and really enjoyed the experience. It will be awesome to create that paradise right at home. 

Our bathroom would be ideal spa location. A nice -clutter free -clean bathroom with a lit scented candle or essential oil mist will generate the perfect mood. I can select soothing spa music on you tube or just enjoy the silence of the night. Fresh soft  towel on the floor will be best for unwinding. I need to make sure though to put little heater on the corner to make room warmer. Warmth is luxury for me. I think I will start with well deserved massage.  I love to use essential oil blend for it.  I can add whichever fragrance I want in the almond oil to create the feel- lavender for relaxation, rose for romance, Chamomile for calmness and my favorite frankincense for inner peace . I can go very deep or stay gentle massaging my body from scalp to toes. Kneading, stroking or rhythmic tapping... whatever I crave with my very own desired intensity. After a nice massage I will take steam for my face and shoulders. This will deepen the massage effect by letting the oil penetrate further in my skin. Now I will wrap my body in towel just like they show on TV till oil does its work. Meanwhile, I will like to use my homemade face-pack to brighten my face. A mix of avacado, honey and yogurt facepack for moisturizing glow or cocco powder, oats and honey with cream for antioxidant boost. Couple of cucumber slices on top of my eyes will do the rest of the trick. hmm... this will be perfect time to just relax on the floor for few minutes.  A nice warm-water shower  bath will be awaiting to enjoy my presence now. I will need a nice rub by Pumice stone to get rid of that flaky skin on my feet and a circular motion around my scalp to get rid of any tension residue. Just feeling the water running on my body and immersing into well earned calmness will lighten my soul. I would want to be super gentle to dry my damp skin with tender pats. I will squeeze water out from each of my hair strand slowly dabbing it from roots to end. Its winter now so using a touch of oil to moisturize my skin will just do the trick leaving my skin baby soft. What a delightful exeperince this will be.  I will be tip-toeing out of the bathroom as a new revived person-a beautiful princess of my own fairy tale....ooohhh -lala. - praj101

Guests are coming...

Do you ever want to see me going really crazy? Be my guest... I mean literally... just be invisible and come over few hours early before party . You will see this "guest are coming" phenomena.  I will be chanting "guest are coming" every fifteen minutes with intermittent instructions directed to my kids, husband and even myself about cleaning, cooking , organizing... you name it. I think in fifteen years of our marriage my husband knows the whole purpose of this  (Beware-knowing and doing  exactly when told are two different things). Kids are still learning and  find this "mommy instructing" amusing if anything at large. I love my husband and he really helps a lot. But all in all most cleaning occurs in last half an hour. Cooking is not an easy prep ether. I am in this tensed posture really really focused in cooking that anything out of line can make me angry.  You may say "how sad", "you don't know what's important in life", "that's not good influence on kids". ... etc. etc. and I  totally agree with you but when it comes to practical application I still suck. Don't take me wrong. Me and my husband really enjoy having guest around and  look forward to host parties. But this pre-party craziness is something I still need to sort out.

 I remember I was not like this before getting married at all.  My mom being awesome mom used to handle things effortlessly. Actually she never ever acted the way I act.... so its definitely not genes.  May be in the beginning of our marriage I was still in learning phase of cooking/organizing . I may have felt little anxious when I used to invite guest. I always wanted to present myself  in "good light" and I always wanted guests to have wonderful experience. But my party preparation skills were novice . I think this is when I built these worry habits that are totally unwarranted and actually counterproductive.  

Its not that I have not taken any steps. I think I have become more resourceful in recent years. I call cleaning lady and schedule my parties accordingly. So most cleaning part is done. Not having many things and reducing clutter has helped me greatly.  Now here is one thing that saves time but don't give me joy. I try to circulate my menu so that I don't have to mess things up by learning new recipe. Cooking same things again and again is such a  creativity killer. Need to change this part even if its easy.  

As per short term planning may be sorting out menu and bringing everything 2-3 days in advance is good strategy.  Also, playing nice music and changing my body language while cooking and cleaning will put me in different mindset. Playing music, dancing on beats and cooking just like in  movies,,, ahhha.  

I think some long term everyday changes will be of great help.  My default should be keeping house clean everyday( not perfect but nice, clean and tidy). Teaching kids their cleaning responsibilities in more creative way instead of shallow warnings like all the toys on the floor will go to "Goodwill" would be better. I like organizing now( a good change since past) and including kids and husband in home organization projects may be a good family time together.  

I think biggest change that needs to come is psychological. Knowing that I go in this crazy mode will likely make me aware of it beforehand. Knowing is winning half the battle( as long as I act for change).  Maybe having a go to  "code" such as  "tree" that my husband and kids can remind me of in such situations will be of great help. ( FYI: Using Code "relax" when I am stressed- bad idea).  Focusing on enjoying the party preparation than outcome itself - that is staying in the moment -will definitely be a game changer.
I don't think taking things easy and being OK with mess is going to work for me. That may have worked in the past but now it is going to be hard to break habit that I have developed so diligently. Instead building good work ethics at home and not shying away from hard work will be better.  I really enjoy presenting myself as a good housekeeper . This is something that I cherish. I kind of get to work on my art side with it.  I just want to change my "not so good" behavior to get to the outcome. Goal here is to change the journey and not outcome.  Change takes time and diligence . Some of these solution may not even work but I will never know until I try. At least now I have my go-to tools ready in toolbox to avoid pre-party anxiety.  Did someone said "Guests are coming"? - praj101

Thanksgiving Shopper

Thanksgiving O Thanksgiving

The best time of the year

Sales in the  morning and sales at night
And me in my shopping  gear

Oh all those important items

On my Black Friday list

Don't worry- I selected only those 

That meet my current needs

Frankly I waited a whole year 

To start my daily exercise routine

Just to get those Jordon shoes

And  best deals on things like Fitbit

And don't forget "Michael Kors"

I have only few of them

iphones, dinnerware and electronics

and lots and lots of kids games

Black Friday always reminds me

I am as poor as one can be

Awesome brands, Good quality

I was missing on so many things

All the  money I am sure to save

Who knows - hundread or thousands of dollars

Wow! that makes me so rich already

 I am such a super smart Buyer

And I will need more storage space

To store all the stuff that I would buy

Lets get extra boxes and shelves

To shop some more-I won't be shy

Don’t cry you idiot Minimalist

About environmental cost of materialism and shopping

Wildfires and hurricanes are just out there-somewhere

Don’t blame me for “Global Warming”

No time to Thank "Planet Earth"
"Thanksgiving is for shopping" dear

I think even oxygen is over-rated

But shopping and me- a true love affair

-praj101

Aroha Blog - Are you angry or are you smart.

Are you angry or are you smart?

You get angry when people don't listen to you. They do whatever they want to. If you are smart, you could do things well. If people don't listen to you, just dont play with them.  Read a book by yourself or play by youself or do whatver you want by yourself. And whatever you say, there is no time to worry. We are grateful for earth. When we are angry think before doing anything. So we won't do anything wrong. 

Brain

My brain tells me what I need to do
Its so smart-it guides me through
It tells me"girl, don't touch that fire
Stay away from snake and change punctured tire"..
The evolution has blessed me with frontal lobe of my brain
It tells me right from wrong-well, my brain is a Gem
But here is a catch-twenty two, if you can see
My brain can create perceptions that don't set me free
It tells me to pursue- the inside burning fire
Go after happiness, goals and desire
But when I get what I want- my brain moves to next thing
Happiness turns out to be just a fleeting feeling
Brain doesn't want me to be permanetly happy after all
Propagation of genes is mostly what it cares for
Assessment of thoughts- therefore becomes necessity
Mindfulness and Meditation can bring some clarity
Brain power has lead to medical advances and driverless cars
But it has also lead to climate change and nuclear war
Oh Brain- I won't always trust the inside world you create
Oh Brain- you are my “not so perfect Friend”
-praj101

Identity shift

Think yourself as someone who is trying to get rid of the clutter in your house. Honestly you love shopping. But now the space in your closets is packed with not an inch left to spare. You decide to declutter your house within a month. You donate significant amount of stuff to "goodwill" or similar donation company. At the end of the month you are feeling good about yourself and you even enjoy a good shopping outing to celebrate your success. However, after six months down the line things do start to fill in. Oh no..it's declutter time again. Now whenever you go to store and see something attractive, you start this dialogue of negotiation in your head about buying vs not buying. With lot of willpower you end up sticking to your plan.. You declutter again... And six months down the road- Deja Vu ... you keep finding yourself in this clutter-declutter phenomena ..tiring right. Well that was me in the past.

Now here is just a minor shift in this story. You change your identity. You think yourself as someone who doesn't like unnecessary shopping. That's it. Its very easy for you now to keep your home tidy with only necessary things. And now staying declutter becomes so much effortless.   

 I have used this "identity shift" strategy successfully for most part now.  I can effortlessly say "no" to things . Just like I won't smoke as that is not my identity, I won't buy unnecessary things as that is not my identity.. I still admire beauty in materialistic things around me . But desire to have those things in my home just because someone else has it or is going to have it is totally gone. Have you heard of the phenomena "FOMO". FOMO means feeling of missing out. We feel this when our friend has something or is buying something that we don't have. I think this FOMO runs high during Thanksgiving time.

There is nothing wrong in exploring different items that will add real value to our life. And there are some of those items that are worth buying. But assessing true worth is so crucial as each new thing has some value to it. Thats when this self identity comes in handy. Now, lot of times, I just question my buying decision and cautiously lean towards I really don't need it as an answer. Sometimes I give few days before coming to any conclusion. This time calms my adrenalin rush. I also see myself living life where I feel I am more in control when it comes to shopping as no advertisement /marketing scheme can deceit me. I have also seen myself coming from feeling more "full "than "empty" as I feel I have everything I need.

Identity shift can do a lot of good if we need significant change.  

Now here is that typical riddle. There is a glass ( half full of water) thinking about its identity. What will glass say:  half full? half empty? Or maybe all full with half water and half air? Well that depends on how glass feels about his identity. -praj101

Goddess in You

Goddess in You

Epitome of love- for her kids

Devotion for  family- for its wellbeing

An essnce of care resides in you

Oh beloved Mother , you are  "Goddess Parvati"

Your love for knowldge, music and art

 Joy in wisdom that you impart

An essence of  intelligence resides in you

Oh amazing Teacher, you are  "Goddess Sarswati"

You crave for fairness and you fight corruption

You protect us from evil and deception

An essence of righteousness resides in you

Oh "Justice lady" , you are  "Goddess Durga"

You work  at  job to earn decent living

You balance work- home life on tight string

An essence of prosperity resides in you

Oh Working Woman, you are "Goddess Lakshmi"

 

You bring change in the world so timely

Create new avenues by destructing insanity  

An essence of  reformer resides in you

Oh Woman Activist , you are "Goddess Kali"

Just look around and you will find

In every front of life Woman you shine

Holding the torch for future to guide

Woman you have the essence of all that is divine

-Praj101

Dealing with Conflict

It has been decade and a half now. I am dealing with these particular people in my life who have been hard on me for the resons that I cannot comprehend or justify. I have tried my best to please them but all in vain. I cannot be myself when I am with them due to their demeaning tendencies and their ways to make one feel "guilty" for no valid reason. Unfortunately, I was never good in dealing with conflicts. I had always run away from the situations that made me feel vulnerable. I have preferred to keep relations afloat as much as I can. But with this attitude of mine, I have failed to find peace within.
Recently I started giving meditation a try for my own health reasons. I wanted to find calmness in life. But suprisingly,  in contrary to feeling calm, I started to feel these supressed emotions more vivdly. I also started noticing changes in my body in a stressful situtation when I am with them or even talking to them on a phone. I feel my chest tightens and my voice gets shaky. My brain gets busy to find ways to express myself in a politically correct manner as I am aware of their critical tendencies. Now you may say that it is a good strategy to avoid disagreement. However, supressing feelings has its own backlash. Consquences of  not standing up for yourself can be harsh. I have seen myself running a very obnoxious tape in my mind again and again about "how these people have wronged me". I have seen myself  get hard on my loved ones  just to vent my feelings which is totally unfair. I want to come up with strategy where I can be honest about how I feel and not let other people walk over me.
How can I be good in expressing my feelings and facing conflicts head on? Well this is going to be an experiment where I am going to be my own "lab rat". Here is what I think may help me.
1. Being Raw Honest Self:  I am tired of pretending to be "super nice". Sorry people, I have feelings that include anger, disgust, sadness, gulit, shame etc. To maintain this "nice" image I don't stand up for myself  and my preferences. I go in "being good" mode when people question my intension and my energy goes waste finding the middle ground. It doesn't mean I am going to be harsh but understanding my emotions and giving correct weightage to them may lead to more realistic outcome.
2. Knowing My Intensions:  Whichever way I behave, knowing my intensions before taking action is critical. If I know my intensions are coming from right heart and if  I need  a fair and kind system in place then I have to raise my voice. If me raising my voice coming from a negative, judgemental and untrue place then I have to assess situation again. I need to remember that I am only human and I can be wrong too.
3. Not Having Expectations from Others: After expressing myself , me getting an apology is a hard bet. If those people choose to express their point of view , I should listen to  them with an open mind.  If  we all come to an even ground with sound discussion then that is the best scenario. However,  I should be aware that those people may get angry and the relations may become wobbly. In any case, I need to be mentally prepared for outcome whichever way it sways.
4. Waiting for the Correct Moment: I am little confused with this one. Some experts say that expressing yourself right at the moment of conflict is best strategy for impact and others say wait till things calm down and then discuss situation. I am not sure which one of these will work best. I may choose middle path here. Expressing myself right at the moment of conflict with little buffer may be best if I learn to speak skillfully. May be me going for a small walk or doing some exercise  while thinking through situation for few minutes will help. This will also improve blood flow in my brain and will make me feel spaciaous( and may be little forgiving and kind) inside.
5. Sticking with the Facts: Now let's be honest, the whole purpose of this blog was for me to find ways to express my true emotions. Then why shouldn't I express them just the way they are. Afterall a speech full of emotions may make bigger impact. I agree. But at the same time I don't want to divert discussions into anger laden shouting match between the two teams. Calm and poised conversation with facts may lead to fair discourse and  possibly good outcome. The whole intension is for me to get my point through in a civil manner. Besides, as Sadhguru said,  I don't want those people to have pleasure of making me angry.
6. Picking Up Correct Fight:   Someone whom I don't have regular contact with and is unfair to me or disgrees with me without much of the impact on my day to day life doesn't deserve much of my time. I am not going to argue with everyone about my point of view as I understand that people come from different backgrounds with different upbringing. It is easy to let go and move on with a smile saying " we agree to disagree". But when things are too personal and affect my family life, my emotional life and/or my work life in unjust way then I have to speak up.
7. Doing Loving -Kindness Meditation: Sounds too woo..woo but I wish I will learn to do this meditation and wish good to everyone -even for those who are hard on me. I need to learn to let go of  hurt  feelings and find peace and content. I wish I will love myself enough that I won't feel bad about others disaprovals. Apparently, I have to work hard on this and I understand that I am such a "newbie" in this realm.
8. A Thing to Learn: I think all my life experiences have taught me something. By getting hurt from these people has made me aware of importance of skillful speech and skillful actions. I wish I will never hurt someone knowingly or unknowingly in this manner.
9. They are Good Too: I don't want to categorise these people as " very bad" as they are not. I have seen them being loving and kind with others and I know they can be nice. I am sure everyone in the world has some plus and minus in them. Lets put it this way -These people are good-I just want them to be good and fair with me.
 Well writing this blog has given me an action plan that I can anchor on. If things don't work in expected way then I may tweak things a bit here and there to find out what works best for me. It is going to be work in progress. I think I am ready....- praj101

My 50% Happier Kitchen

Not all people are same. Some are happy with little less and some are happy with little extra. No judgement here. In the past you could have easily put me in little extra category especially in relation to Kitchen. I have shopped extravagantly for utensils and crockery . My refrigerator was packed with produce, milk , condiments etc. and my pantry... well let just say it always used to be "too full". Now for all practical purposes I am an average cook with an average interest in cooking. But this "fullness" of kitchen never bothered me.  I had definitely felt myself as one of the happy go lucky shopper full of energy and vitality. Well that was in the past. With job and kids, things slowly became overwhelming for me. Too much stuff around started giving me anxiety.  Then came a  point when I thought  I need some extra space. So we bought bigger house. Ironically that hardly helped. I thought I need an extra help.. may be a maid.  I tried that option for short time but it was little hard on my pocket. Slowly and surprisingly shopping became an unwanted burden- an extra chore. To deal with this I started shopping in wholesale stores such as " costco" getting more stuff in the house in one go. That lead to more crowded kitchen. How absurd it is that things that we sometimes do to make life easy may lead to hardship.  Honestly, I never thought about this "need for extra" as a  real culprit. However, thanks to "Minimalist"  I was convinced. Besides in real life I had this awesome example of my grandma. My grandma's kitchen was compact with only things that she really needed to cook. And she was one of the best cooks.  Its almost  6 months or more now that I am making slow and steady changes in  my "kitchen arena". I would say it has made my kitchen related life easy which has given me time and space to do other important things.
 I did my decluttering project with some skeptisim at first. There was lot of emotional attachment with things . They ether reminded me of my happy shopping time or reminded me of a friend/ family who has gifted me something special that is close to my heart. But once I got rid of those "loved items" that I really don't use, the rest was easier. ( FYI-One can take pictures of these  things to save it as a  lasting memory before getting rid of them).  I would say it was small incremental progress.
 I started with getting rid of utensils that I haven't used in last 2 years. Then I started getting rid of things that I haven't used in last 1 year. And oh yes.. I do have played "what if I need this stuff in future?" tape again and again. Belive me that is such a  waste of my time. In reality, that time hardly comes. And even if it does, human mind is creative enough to come up with plan B. My plan B is rely on friends in emergency  if I need something that I don't have. Belive me ...friends help. I also got rid of few electronic gadgets such as extra  rice cooker , extra toster and some other things that I haven't used for long time ( I have no clue why we had 2 of each ). Next stop was pantry. I gave 3-4 hours one day to organize my pantry. Getting rid of things that I don't use or are expired was a must. Organizing spices/lentils etc in glass bottles has given my pantry an open look and I find things pretty quickly now. I involved my husband in the pantry organizing project too. He built wooden multi-step storage with his carpentary skills that has increased storage space and made it easy for me to look for things.  I spend around ten minutes once in two weeks to quickly reorganize it as things do get cluttered easily. Same with refrigerator. I go for shopping twice a week to buy fresh produce, milk ,eggs etc. My motto is to shop in small quantities and wait till things are over.   I don't waste food/produce that often now and I have become little more creative with things that I have. This has helped me impressively well. Some items I do buy through wholesale store such as nuts / organic protein bars etc but its limited in scope now compared to previous times. I would like to reduce this bulk buying even further.
I can happily report that I haven't shop for utensils /crokery for more than an year now and I don't miss a thing about it. I will shop them only when my old ones need to be replaced. I am planning to buy good quality things and not cheap ones. Good quality items lasts long and therefore eases stress on environment as well.  Utensils  get washed on time as we have only couple to spare. So my kitchen- sink area stays clean and clutter free.  Now my kitchen looks specious , feels clean and does make me go on anxiety mode less often. It is always easy and enjoyable for me  to cook in clean clutter free area.
 As a working mom with no outside help it is my need to find ways that will help me. Switching towards "little less" path  has helped me to come a step closer to my sanity. These simple changes have made me and my kitchen atleast 50% happier. I think thats not that bad...right? - praj101